Angels In The Room
by BrokenWhispers11
Summary: "She closed her eyes, leaning into him.Everything seemed like it would be all right,despite the war that was raging on outside.His arms were around her,and she knew she was safe.They loved each other,and that wouldn't ever change" Oneshot collection. Chapter 12: Believe Again
1. Somebody Out There

**Hi! So I decided to do a collection of oneshots since it seems that I'm going to be writing some more RLNT ff's. So, I present to you Angels In The Room! (A title of a song by Delta Goodrem). And I know some stuff may sound repetitive, but I really would rather not acknowledge the fact that these two characters met a horrible fate. The songs for this chapter is by Hana Pestle, and it's called Somebody Out There. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, so I don't own its characters, settings, etc. I also do not own the wonderful lyrics of the song. Those belong to Hana Pestle. **

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Please give me feedback in the reviews!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I. Somebody Out There<strong>

**Song By: Hana Pestle  
><strong>

**They always say, don't wait  
>That I should take the reins<br>Yet here I am today  
>Too afraid I'll get swept away<strong>

**And I won't come back again**

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple with one hand, the other curled around a warm cup of hot chocolate. Numbness spread through his body, and no matter how hard he tried to get warm by the fire, he felt unbearably cold. The gray, torn blanket wrapped around his thin frame did nothing to prevent the drafts from blowing through him, almost like a ghost. He let out a sigh and shivered, opening his eyes, staring at the yellow and orange flames flickering in front of him.

He didn't understand why he felt this way. He wanted to scream, rage, cry, hurl the mug in his hand to the wall… he wanted to lose control. But instead, he could only sit by the fire, tears unshed, and numb to almost all emotions. He didn't understand why he felt this way. The numbness had never consumed him before, and now, all that was left to feel was fear. Fear of losing another person in this blasted war, of what was happening to him, of the cold, of hurting someone, of dying, of everything.

Would he be able to move on, after losing the last person who was truly there for him? His best friend, the last of the other Marauders. Peter didn't count, the rat. No, it was only Sirius and James who made up the other Marauders, but now they were gone. Each killed for different reasons, but both killed for the same cause. And now, Moony was alone, without anyone there to share memories with. Without anyone to brighten his day with jokes and pranks. Without the two people who had meant the most to him. And now, he was supposed to grieve and move on, pretend like everything was okay. He had managed to do it when Prongs had died, so why couldn't he do it again?

There were people there for him. He knew that much. They had offered their sympathies, their comfort. The Weasley's had even offered to let him stay at their home, but he had declined. He didn't want to be around anyone right now. He didn't want to burden them with his sorrow, and he needed some time to grieve on his own. They would try to cheer him up, and truthfully, he didn't want to be happy again. What if he grew too close to someone else again? He was already too close to Harry. What if he got too close to the others too? And then, when one of them died, he would be broken again. He didn't want to take that chance.

* * *

><p>"<em>Remus, we know you're a werewolf."<em>

_A sandy-haired boy sat on his bed, his eyes wide open in shock. He looked at his friends, frowning, trying to see through their joke. It had to be a joke. There was no way they could possibly know. They hadn't even learned about werewolves in DADA! He let out a shaky laugh, and forced a smile._

"_Nice one, James. If I'm a werewolf, then I suppose Sirius must be a dog!"_

" '_S not a joke Remus! We're serious! We know you're a werewolf!" Sirius looked at Remus pointedly, his tone accusing. Remus looked at James, Peter, and Sirius, searching their eyes for some tell-tale sign that they were joking. But he was only met with seriousness. Reality hit him, and he leapt to his feet, glancing wildly around the room with wide eyes. _

"_T-there's no w-way." He whispered. They knew. They knew. They knew. The words repeated in his mind, and he panicked, rushing to the other side of his bed and dragging his trunk out from beneath his bed. He didn't look at them as he hurriedly threw clothes into his trunk. Tears started to form in his eyes, and they blurred his vision. _

"_Remus, what are you doing?" A soft voice came from behind him, and he felt a hand lightly grip his shoulder. He stopped throwing clothes into his trunk and turned around to see James looking at him, a strange look on his face. He hid his face in his hands, wanting to hide from the accusing looks he knew they all must be giving him._

"_I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't hate me! I know I shouldn't have kept it from you, but I just wanted friends. I didn't want to lose you, and I didn't want to be alone again. Dumbledore, he made me promise not to tell anyone. I'll move out, switch dorms, anything! But please, please don't tell anyone. This is all I ever wanted, and I know that I don't deserve it and…" he cried, but was interrupted by Sirius._

"_Hey! Remus, stop! It's okay! We don't hate you!" Sirius exclaimed, smiling at Remus. "And stop hating yourself. Do all werewolves do that?"_

"_W-what?" Remus uncover his face, wiping away his tears with his hands. He looked up at Sirius, surprised. "You d-don't hate me?"_

"_No!" Peter squeaked from behind Sirius and James nodded in agreement. _

"_We could never hate you, Moony. You're our friend!"Sirius extended a hand to Remus. Reluctantly, the confused boy grasped it and stood up again, falling back on his bed._

"_M-moony?" He glanced curiously at Sirius. "MOONY?"_

"_Yup! My new nickname for you!"_

"_Good one Siri." James smiled, sitting beside Remus on the bed. His expression turned serious again."When were you… you know, bitten?"_

_They were shocked to hear that their Remus was bitten at a young age. They had read up on werewolves in the library, and they knew that the transformations were extremely painful. And their Lupin, the quiet, shy, kind, and nice Lupin had to go through that. "And what do you mean by you didn't want to be alone again? Surely, you had friends like us."_

"_N-no. Once they knew, they would run away. And their mothers would tell them not to talk to me. Everyone hated me, and after a while, I just stopped trying. Which is why I didn't want any of you to know. I'd never hurt you! You have to know that I'd never hurt you! I just wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere." Remus spoke sadly, his eyes fixed on his hands. He felt the bed sink as Sirius sat down on his other side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder._

"_You have to let people in, Moony. Not everyone will hate you. Those kids were way beneath you anyways. You'll always have us, and we will never hate you, because you're our friend and a Marauder! And us Marauders stick together!" He smiled goofily, making Remus laugh. "I'm Sirius, Moony!"_

"_Sirius!" James groaned, whacking his friend on the head. "That joke is way overused!"_

* * *

><p>"You said that we'd stick together, Padfoot." He murmured, sighing again. "So why did you all leave? Why?"<p>

**Is somebody there?**  
><strong>Is somebody out there?<strong>  
><strong>Is somebody there?<strong>

"Remus?"

He was leaning on the door frame, smiling faintly at the young lady with dull pink hair that had called his name. She stood from her chair quickly, knocking it down in the process and walked over to him, hugging him tightly. He stood shocked, unsure what to do, before hesitantly wrapping his arms around her. He clung to her tightly, afraid that if he let go, he would be alone again. He knew that he wanted to distance himself from everyone again, but holding her to him, he knew that he couldn't bear to let go of her. Of anybody. She was shaking against him, and he frowned, pulling back.

"Nymphadora, is everything all right?" he asked, concerned. Tears were rolling down her face, and she let out a choked sob.

"I'm fine, Remus." She assured him, wiping away her tears with her hand. She smiled sadly up at him. "I've been so worried about you. I'm just so glad to finally see you."

His heart clenched painfully, and he felt an unbearable longing to hold her again. She was worried… about him. He knew the Weasleys cared about him, that Harry and Hermione cared about him, that the rest of The Order (with the exception of Snape) cared about him. But hearing the words come from her, knowing that _she_ cared meant so much more to him. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to question it. Not now, not when he needed someone there by his side. He smiled down at her, his brown eyes filled with warmth. "I'm glad to see you too, Nymphadora. I heard you've been in St. Mungo's. I apologize for not visiting you while you were there. How are you doing?"

"Don't call me Nymphadora. " She muttered, rolling her eyes. She grasped his hand and led him to the sitting room of the Burrow. She sat down on the sofa and pulled him down next to her, withdrawing her hand from his. "I'm fine. And it's ok. I mean, why would you want to see the person who killed your best friend anyways?"

She tried to say it casually, as if it was no big deal that she was blaming herself for Sirius' death when she clearly hadn't killed her cousin. But he could see through the act, and could see that she was hurting. He frowned at her, and clasped her hand in his again. "What do you mean? I clearly saw Bellatrix push Sirius through the veil, not you."

"Y-yeah, but I mean, I was fighting her before, wasn't I?" She looked confused, like she couldn't find the right words to say what she needed to. She tried to tug her hand out of his, but he held on even more tightly. "If… I hadn't let her knock me out, then maybe S-sirius would be here."

She looked away from his gaze and stared at a spot of dirt on the carpet. She could feel him looking at her, and she felt very unsettled. She hadn't meant to bring up Sirius' death, but the words had come tumbling out anyways. Remus wasn't the type of person to hold grudges against others, but she had killed his last best friend. She just wanted to know that he didn't hate her. She felt her eyes blur with tears again and she wiped them away angrily. She was stronger than this, she told herself, but they still formed. She felt his hand on the side of her face, turning it till his eyes met hers again.

"Nymphadora," he started, confused when she didn't even flinch at the name. She had a resigned look on her face, and he knew that she expected him to hate her. "I don't blame you for Sirius' death, and neither should you. Sirius, he knew what the risks were when he went. Besides, you were not the only one to fight Bellatrix. One of the others could have defeated her, but I don't see anyone else blaming themselves."

"But, Remus, your last friend…" she protested, her eyes searching his for some trace of a lie and finding nothing but the truth in them.

"Is with James and Lily right now, much happier there than he could have ever been here." He finished, leaving no room for argument. She sighed, realizing that she wouldn't win any arguments with him that day. Closing her eyes, she leaned on his shoulder, letting herself be lost in his warmth. She was glad that he wasn't mad at her, and that he was finally back.

"I've missed you." She whispered into his sweater, opening her eyes. "It's been so long since I've seen you… I wanted to stop by, but I wasn't sure you wanted to see me. I was really surprised when you came here tonight. I mean, I asked Molly if you would come to the Burrow any time soon, and she seemed to think that you wouldn't come back for a while longer. But now you're here…"

She trailed off, her eyes fixed on the wall. He nodded in agreement, staring at the wall too. "I didn't think I would be here today either. It's been… hard, but I have my duty to the Order. I can't let my personal problems take precedence over the Order's problems."

"You're too selfless for your own good, you know that?" she closed her eyes and sighed, missing the smile forming once again on his face. He looked down at her as she drifted off to sleep, gently stroking the back of her hand with his finger. She was lucky, he thought sadly, his eyes resting on her peaceful looking face. She was so unnaturally kind and people liked her for it. In a way, she reminded him of Lily, who was so caring, even towards the ones that didn't deserve it. Dora was like a light in the darkness, and she wouldn't share the same fate that his friends did. She had so many people there for her that he was sure that it could never happen. She had a life worth living, a _normal_ life, and people liked her. He, on the other hand, he would welcome death if it came to his doorstep at the moment. He would be with the people who truly accepted him again. Here, he didn't belong. Not with these normal but wonderful people like her. No one would really miss him if he were to disappear anyways. There was nobody left to hold him to this world except her and Harry, and even they would realize sooner or later the monster he was inside and he would be alone again. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes as well, squeezing her hand lightly before drifting off to sleep as well.

**One step, I'm out the door  
>A sea of faces looking for the shore<br>I haven't seen myself for days or more  
>Somehow forgot what I'm looking for<strong>

**Never been gone so long before**

He gripped his side tightly, drawing in a sharp breath. His eyes were closed tightly, and he struggled to hold back a scream of pain. He looked up at the door in front of him and raised his hand to knock, hesitantly. He wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in his bed and sleep, but there was an Order meeting tonight, and he had to come. He was needed, and he couldn't turn his back on the Order. Sleep would have to wait.

He was about to knock when he remembered that the Order would be in the center of the house, away from doors and windows, so they wouldn't hear him. He didn't have the strength to shout or yell, and he clearly could not apparate into the Burrow. He frowned, lowering his hand to the doorknob. He didn't want to feel like he was breaking and entering… they hadn't expected him, thinking that he was still with Greyback and his pack. But he had no other choice. With a heavy sigh, he trained his wand on the doorknob and whispered the unlocking charm. "Alohamora."

The door unlocked and he stowed his wand away in his pocket before entering the house. It was mostly silent, but he could hear the hum of hushed voices coming from a distance. Taking slow cautious steps, he walked towards the room, his footsteps loud to his ears. He supposed it was better that way. He wouldn't startle them then. He ignored the pounding in his head and gritted his teeth against the pain, refusing to allow it to get the better of him. He was doing his duty and he would not let the pain stop him. Finally reaching the door to the room, he twisted the handle and opened the door.

The voices died and an awkward silence filled the air. Every head was turned towards him, and he could feel himself wobble slightly where he stood. He reached a hand out and gripped the door frame, leaning against it. He forced a smile on his face, hoping that it was convincing enough, as he could see the worried glances the others were directing at him. "Sorry, I know this was unexpected. I hope I'm not too late."

His voice sounded hoarse to his own ears and he smiled sheepishly at the others. After Dumbledore reassured him that his tardiness could be overlooked and that it was nice to see him again, he made his way towards the only available seat left. Next to Dora. He let go of the doorframe and took a deep breath to steady himself before walking to the chair. Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit him, and he stopped in his tracks. He had a sudden urge to retch but he swallowed and closed his hands into fists, trying to keep himself steady. He had to do this; he couldn't let himself be weak. "Remus?"

Nymphadora had gotten up and taken a step towards him, a worried look on her face. He wrenched his eyes shut as another wave of nausea hit him. "Remus, are you alright?"

"I'm fine Nymphadora." He managed to whisper, even managing a smile. He knew that he wasn't very convincing, and even as this thought ran through his head, the pain that he had been holding back let loose. It flowed through him like a flood, and he let out a silent scream, falling to the ground. Black spots filled his vision and he felt the unbearable need to close his eyes. Dora's figure filled his vision, a panicked expression on her face. He could hear her calling his name repeatedly, and he managed a small smile before everything turned to black.

* * *

><p>"Do you think he'll be okay, Molly?"<p>

A small familiar voice that could only belong to Dora whispered. He couldn't make out the response, but the tight grip on his hand loosened a little. He wrapped his fingers around the warm hand and squeezed lightly, trying to reassure Dora that he was okay. He struggled to open his eyes, and after a few minutes of trying unsuccessfully, he managed to wrench his eyes open. Instinctively, his head turned to his right and his golden-brown eyes settled on her.

"Remus!" She leapt out of her chair and hugged him tightly, only pulling away when he winced slightly in pain. He managed a weak smile for her and then turned his head to the other occupant in the room who was smiling at the two of them.

"Remus, dear, how are you feeling?" asked, concerned. He knew that if he didn't answer her soon, she would start fussing over him. And while he appreciated her kindness and her care, he would rather not be fussed over and pampered like a child.

"I'm fine, Molly. Thank you. How long have I been out?" He glanced toward the window, seeing only the blackness of night. Surely he couldn't have blacked out for too long. A look at Molly and Tonks told him the opposite.

"You were out since yesterday evening, Remus." Dora frowned, and he found himself thinking that she should be smiling instead. Her smile was so infectious, and beautiful, and…

"Oh." He responded quickly, trying to reverse the direction of his thoughts. "Sorry if I caused you any inconvenience. I didn't mean to… you know…"

He trailed off and smiled sheepishly at the two of them. Quickly reassuring him that he caused no inconvenience, Molly left to fix him something to eat, leaving only Tonks and him in the room. He pushed himself up until he was sitting and turned to face Tonks. She was frowning at him, and the tips of her hair were turning red. He raised an eyebrow at her, wondering why she was looking at him that way.

"You knew you weren't feeling well." She spoke, her tone accusing. It was more of a statement than a question. He nodded, confused as to why she seemed so angry. He had just lost consciousness, nothing serious.

"Yet you still came to the Order meeting. Why?" She glared pointedly at him, her gaze demanding. He didn't flinch, calmly looking back at her.

"I was just doing my duty to the Order. I think everyone would have wanted an update on Greyback and his pack." He spoke softly, his lips barely moving. "I don't see why…"

"This isn't about what everyone wanted Remus. This is about you. You were injured and tired, but you still came, even though you were feeling unwell." She interrupted him, leaping to her feet once again. She paced agitatedly around the room, avoiding his eyes. Finally, she stopped to stand by the window, leaning forehead against the cool glass.

"I was so scared, Remus." She sounded so broken and it scared him. The Nymphadora he knew always sounded so strong, so brave. But he reminded himself that she was still only human, and she had the right to feel this way, despite how strong she might sound. "I've never seen you look that way… not even after a horrible transformation. You looked like you were in so much pain, even though you were smiling. And then you were still and you looked… you looked almost lifeless."

The last word came out in a whisper, and she shivered. She struggled to push the memory from her mind. She turned back around to face him and walked back to her chair. Her hair was starting to turn brown, and she sank into the chair, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor.

"I'm sorry." Remus spoke gently, reaching over to take her hand. He didn't realize that she would be that worried about him. Of course, they were friends, but he hadn't expected her to care that much about him. He supposed that after Sirius, he would just fade into the background and be forgotten. It had been that way the first time he had lost his friends, so it was a surprise to know that there still people who cared about him. "But I'm fine now. And while I appreciate it, you really shouldn't have worried about me. It's nothing an old werewolf can't handle."

Her head snapped up, and she glared at him once again. "You are not old, Remus Lupin, and I had every right to be worried about you! You came in looking as if you had died and come back to life!"

He laughed, the sound like music to her ears. "I really must have looked bad then. A consequence of living with a pack of feral werewolves."

She smiled softly at him, moving to hug him again. She buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to him, not wanting to let go. They stayed like that, even when Molly came back with a plate of food and a glass of water. Smiling at the two of them, she cleared her throat and watched as they both pulled away quickly, their faces flushed. She continued to smile at them, setting down the food and water on the bedside table. Without a word, she left the room, leaving the two alone again.

**Is somebody there?  
>Is somebody out there?<br>Is somebody there?  
>I'm scared<strong>

He descended the staircase slowly and quietly, hoping not to wake anyone up. It was early in the morning, and while he knew that he shouldn't be out of bed yet due to the after-effects of the full moon, he was tired of staying cooped up in that stuffy room. The Weasleys had graciously offered him a place to stay at after the full moon, and too tired to protest, he had accepted.

He wasn't the only one staying at the Burrow. Dora, still worried about him, had also taken up Molly's offer to stay at the Burrow. The thought that she was staying for him left him confused. He didn't understand why she insisted on staying, even when he told her that he was feeling much better. She had so many other people that she could spend time with, yet she chose to spend the time with him. He wasn't exactly complaining, but he was still unsure about being around her before and after the full moons.

An endless amount of questions ran through his head. What if he hurt her? What if he turned her into a werewolf? What if he killed her? He had read that it was possible for werewolves to infect people while in their human form. What if he infected her? The questions scared him, and he didn't want to know the answers. And as much as he wanted her to keep her distance from him, he didn't want her to leave him alone. He was confused, and Nymphadora Tonks was the cause of his confusion.

He entered the kitchen and summoned an unused glass from the counter, catching it in his hand. After filling it with water, he sat down at the table, twirling his wand in his hand. What did she see in him? A destitute, old werewolf? He was a monster, yet she still tried to see the good in him. Yes, he had tried to do good things to balance out the evil that lay within him, but he was still a monster. A dangerous, filthy creature. He was still dangerous and evil, yet she still saw only the good in him.

A part of him wanted to let her be there for him, care about him… even love him, if she could. But the rational part of his brain told him that he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't trap her with his curse, make her an outcast. He had had his fair share of rejection, and he couldn't do that to her too. Even if she was willing to be with him, he couldn't let her. Not that she would love him anyways. She would probably realize that he was just a bloodthirsty monster and leave him.

Whether she knew it or not, that was his worst fear. While his boggart still took the form of the full moon, it was Dora and Harry leaving him that scared him the most. They were the two people he cared about the most right now, and he was afraid that they would reject him for what he was. He couldn't face rejection from them. He could take it from the shopkeepers and wizards in Diagon Alley. He could take it from Ministry officials. But he couldn't take it from the people he cared about the most. They were the reason that he was still here, still breathing right now. Without them, he would have lost the will to live and given in to the pain. He would be alone. Closing his eyes, he pictured their faces, the coldness in their eyes, the hate in their voice…

He could hear someone crying, and it took him a moment to realize that he was the one who was crying. He struggled to hold back the tears, but memories flooded through his mind, reminding him of all that he had lost. James, Sirius, Lily, his parents, most of the first Order, even Peter… was he doomed to suffer for eternity like this? It seemed like the moment everything seemed right again, it all turned back around leaving him broken. Drinking the last of the water, he rested his head on his arms, still sobbing quietly. He didn't care if he was stronger than this. Right now, nothing mattered anymore, nothing except the people that he had lost and the people that he had left.

**Alone we're together  
>No matter the weather<br>You can't see and you won't see with your eyes closed  
>But you can see and you will see, just open your eyes<br>**

"Remus?"

He lifted his head from his arms and glanced towards the door, his eyes red. He froze as his gaze settled on her, and while he looked calm on the outside, he was panicking on the inside. He didn't want her to see him like this, and he smiled weakly at her, wiping away a few stray tears.

"Remus." Her voice was soft and tender, and she approached him slowly, taking a seat next to him."Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Nymphadora. Just remembering Lily, Padfoot, and Prongs." His finger played with a loose strand of string on the sleeve of his cardigan as he avoided her gaze. She grasped it in hers and pulled it towards her, placing her other hand on top of it.

"I know you feel like you're alone, but you're not." She whispered, looking at him earnestly. "You have the Weasleys, the others in the Order, Harry, and me. And remember that the loved ones you lost will always be in your heart. They will never truly leave you."

"You must have talked to Sirius. I believe he said the same thing to Harry when Harry helped him escape." He sighed, smiling, but the smile not reaching his eyes. His eyes had a faraway look in them, and his gaze rested on the table top. "They said they wouldn't leave me, but they did. How do I know that all of you won't leave me too?"

"Remus, look at me." He reluctantly did what she asked. "We won't leave you because of what you are. You should know that. None of us would ever leave you willingly, especially me. You're my best friend, and even more."

He frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you." She muttered, gathering the courage to hold his gaze as she confessed her feelings to him. "I'm in love with you."

An awkward silence filled the air. He had expected her to say something along the lines of him being like an older brother to her, or a cousin, or something like that. Never had he thought that she would say that she was…in love… with him. A monster. He tensed as images of him biting Tonks and injuring her entered his mind.

"Remus, say something." She pleaded, and he could hear the desperation in her voice. His mouth went dry, and he closed his eyes, trying to form the words in his mind. It would be so easy to say the words. _I love you_. But every ounce of sense was screaming for him to reject her. She didn't realize what she was getting herself into. But he knew all the risks and dangers, and he would never forgive himself if he didn't let her know or give her the chance to change her mind.

"Nymphadora, you're mistaken." He whispered, fear building up inside of him. "You can't love a monster."

"I don't see a monster! I see a man. A sweet, kind, and caring, man!" She gripped his hand even more tightly, refusing to let him pull it away. She could see the indecision in his eyes turn to resignation, and it made her want to hold his hand even more tightly.

"Maybe, but a broken man nonetheless. A man without even a penny to his name." He replied slowly, trying to make her see the mistake that she was making.

"I don't need to be supported!"She retorted. "And lack of money won't make me stop loving you."

"I'm thirteen years older than you!" he shot back, his eyes pleading with her to stop. He wouldn't be able to take it if somewhere along the way, she changed her mind and left him, leaving him even more broken. Dora wasn't the type to do that, but still, he worried.

"It shouldn't matter, Remus. Age is just a number, nothing more."

"I could hurt you." He whispered softly, the frustration gone from his voice. "I could _kill_ you, or turn you into a werewolf."

She felt tears start to form in her eyes and mentally berated herself for starting to cry in his presence again. But looking at him so… so broken… saddened her. He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and the lost look on his face made her want to cry her heart out. "You would never hurt me. I know you wouldn't."

"But I could, Nymphadora, and I would never forgive myself if I did. You deserve much more than what I can give you, I know it. Please, rethink what you're asking for and change your mind." His hand traced invisible patterns on the table.

"It's Tonks." She spoke softly, releasing his other hand from her grip. She reached over and hugged him, holding onto him for a moment before letting go. She stood up, walking towards the door. Before exiting the kitchen, she turned back, smiling sadly at him. "And I've already thought about it Remus. A million times, even before you were sent to infiltrate Greyback's pack. And you wanted to know why my hair has been this disgusting brown color? Its because I knew that you would react this way, and its killing me. But I'm not going to give up. I love _you_, and even though you don't think you deserve it, I know that you do."

She left, and a few moments later, he faintly heard the front door slam shut and the crack that signaled apparition. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. She would change her mind, he knew it. Just a little more time, and she would see the truth. She would see that Remus John Lupin was nothing more than a monster.

**Is somebody there?  
>Is somebody out there?<br>Is somebody there?  
>I'm scared<strong>

**Somebody out there, somebody**

He watched as she bowed her head and mumbled something to Molly before leaving the hospital wing. She didn't even cast a glance his way, and while his mind told him that it was a good thing that she was starting to move on, his heart ached at the thought. It was a selfish thought, to want her to keep on living this way just so that the monster inside of him could tear her heart out again and again. But it had to be done, no matter how much he didn't want to. He had to push away Dora for her own safety.

Yet seeing her look like this, look like he had when he had lost everyone he had ever loved… it was painful, to say the least. He had known that feeling of hopelessness, the loss of the will to push forward, the gaping hole inside… and now, he could see it in her. The dark brown locks that hung down to her shoulders now held a different meaning in his mind. It was evidence of the pain that he had caused her, and he knew without a doubt that he was to blame. He could turn it all back around, with just three or four simple words, but he refused to allow himself to say them. He loved her more than she could ever know, and that was why he had to push her away. Nymphadora was so young, and she had a life worth living for. So why did she want to waste it on something like him? All he would do was drag her down with him. He would thrust her into a life of rejection and shame, and she would surely hate him for the rest of her life. And he would deserve it.

"Molly." He spoke quietly, returning his gaze to Mrs. Weasley, who was at Bill's side, cleaning his wounds. She stopped what she was doing, and turned to face him. She remained silent, waiting for him to continue. "I'm going to take a walk around the grounds to see the damage. Let me know if Bill wakes up, alright?"

She nodded, offering a small smile, before turning her attention back to her son. He said a quick goodbye to the rest of the Weasley's and Fleur and made his way towards the doors to the hospital wing. Once he was in the corridors, he started to walk towards the courtyard nearby, knowing that he needed to get outside before giving into the grief.

Painful memories flooded through his mind as he walked. They were memories of his time at Hogwarts, with the Marauders, the transformations, the classes… some of the memories were pleasant but they reminded him of all that he had lost. And now, Dumbledore was killed, murdered by Snape. Dumbledore trusted Snape, _he_ trusted Snape. Everyone had believed that Snape had truly switched to their side, but the man had fooled them all.

He walked down the last flight of steps, and turned the corner, expecting to find the courtyard empty. However, he stopped in his tracks, realizing that he wasn't the only one wanting to be alone. His eyes rested on Dora, who was seated on a bench. Her brown hair covered her face, but he could tell that she was crying from the way her body was shaking. He swallowed painfully, knowing that he was mostly the cause of her misery.

He watched as she gripped her wand in her hand and conjured a patronus, obviously remembering something that made her somewhat happy. He was surprised when a silvery creature leaped from her wand and circled around her, coming to a rest at her feet. There was no doubt in his mind as to what it was. Only a great shock or emotional upheaval could change a patronus, and it was rare that a patronus would change. The fact that it was a werewolf, that it was _him_ shocked him greatly. He had known that she had feelings for him… or rather, that she believed that she had feelings for him. But the depth of those feelings hit him now, and he fought the urge to back away and run back inside.

"How long are you going to stand there?" Her hoarse whisper interrupted his thoughts and he started at the sound of her voice. She was looking at him, making no move to wipe the tear stains from her face. He felt waves of guilt wash over him, and he walked over to her, taking a seat next to her. Her patronus faded away and he saw her turn her head away from him in embarrassment.

"Nym-" he started, but she cut him off.

"I've been unfair to you." She started, her voice laced with sadness and pain. "I've always been told to consider others' feelings when I speak, but already, I've bloody trampled over yours. I should have just stopped at letting you know about my feelings. But instead, I constantly pestered you, even when you didn't want to have anything to do with me.

"I'm sorry, Remus, I really am. Sorry that I embarrassed you in front of everyone inside, and sorry that I tried to force you to do something that you clearly don't want to do. It's just that you're the first man who doesn't…doesn't expect me to become their dream girl because of what I am. But it was never more than that I guess. Besides, I'm too immature, and clumsy, and stupid for anyone to love. I guess that explains why even the one person I thought would accept me for who I am doesn't want to have anything to do with me, and…"

He grasped her hand, and pulled her closer to him, wrapping his other arm around her, holding her to him. She trailed off, her voice disappearing, as he released her hand and brought his to her face to wipe away her tears. She glanced up at him, confused. What was he doing? She had thought that he wanted nothing to do with her, not after the incident in the hospital wing. "Remus, what…?"

"Stop, Dora. You have nothing to be sorry for. It's me who should be apologizing. For treating you so badly that you start to doubt yourself. You are perfect to me, not stupid or immature, though I must confess that you are a bit clumsy. But still, that's a good thing." He spoke softly, smiling at her. He watched as her eyes widened in surprise. "While I still stand by what I said before, I need you to know that I truly do love you. And that is why I cannot let anything happen between us."

"Dora… that's what my father calls me…" she muttered, unaware that he had heard her. The usual spark lit up in her eyes as she held his gaze defiantly. "You say you love me yet you hurt me… and I'm supposed to believe you?"

"No, you're not, but I really do love you. Can't you see? This," he gestured to the faded scars on his face. "is why we can't be together. I could bite you, and curse you with a life like mine. I could never do that to you, to anyone. It's a cursed life, Dora, a life that you would live anyways if we were to be together. You would regret it, believe me."

She turned back to face the courtyard again and conjured her patronus again, her hand shaking as she directed it to stand in front of him. "I love you, and that includes the werewolf too. I can handle rejection, Remus. I'm not always the most wanted person around, due to my freakish abilities and my clumsiness. I'm not completely helpless either. I'm a bloody Auror, and I know not to be around you when you transform. I understand that you're a werewolf at least once a month, but for the other days, you're human. You're you."

"But-" he started to object, but he was silenced as he saw her pain-filled eyes. He swallowed nervously, thinking over what she had said. She was right about not being helpless. He never believed she was, but the threat that he could pose to her… Yet even after he had broken her heart numerous times, she still wanted to be with him. No one had ever done that before, stick by him even after he had hurt them so horribly. He her to him, burying his face in her hair. The reality of her feelings for him was really setting in. She loved him. She truly loved him.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered into her ear, tears of his own sliding down his face and resting in her hair. "Dora, I'm so sorry for hurting you like this. I shouldn't have let my lycanthropy affect everything in my life, including my love for you. Please, please forgive me if you can. I'd understand if you won't."

"Will you please just give us a try then? Please?" She spoke softly, pulling back to look at him in the eyes. She could see the indecision in them slowly fade away and watched as he nodded, resting his hand on the side of her face. He smiled at her, and she let herself be lost in his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I love you Nymphadora Tonks." He spoke softly, watching as she pulled back quickly to reprimand him for calling her by her first name. He laughed as she realized that he had managed to get her worked up enough so that her hair would change colors again. She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to stay angry with him, but soon burst into laughter as well. He pulled away from her and stood up, extending a hand to her. "Come on, _Nymphadora_. We should go see how Bill is doing. And I think we might make Molly a little happier if we let her know that we're together."

She accepted his hand and stood up as well, intertwining her fingers with his. She smiled before leading the way to the hospital wing with Remus following closely behind her. "Don't call me Nymphadora."

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><p><strong>I just thought that I'd explain the format in case anyone was confused while reading. The bold words are the lyrics, and each section of the lyrics has one or two scenes below that corresponds with it. I don't put breaks between the end of scenes and lyrics, but I put breaks to separate more than one scene in a section. but yeah, that's mainly how I format my stories. I'm sorry if it's still confusing!<br>**

**Thanks for reading, and any feedback would be appreciated. I hope you enjoyed it and I apologize for taking so long to update! I have midterms in a few days, so bear with me. I'll try and get at least one more chapter in for February, but no promises. **

**Thanks for all your reviews! They really make me happy!**

**BrokenWhispers11**


	2. Opposites

**Hello! I'm pretty much done with midterms so I should have a little bit more free time to write! I know this chapter is short, but I felt like I've been making my oneshots too long and drawn out! Anyways, I don't want to run out of ideas just yet. I apologize if this is too sappy or something. I seem to think so but my sister never seems to, so yeah. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter series, though I would fancy meeting the characters and the actors :D And I don't own Trading Yesterday either, or their song :) This fic was just inspired by it, and though I'm sure no one actually does, I'd recommend listening to the songs. I don't know, to me, the fic just makes more sense that way!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>II. Opposites<strong>

**Inspired by "The Beauty & the Tragedy" by Trading Yesterday**

He opened his eyes, squinting in the bright sunlight that flooded the room. His head instinctively turned to face away from the sunlight, and he found his eyes resting on her. Nymphadora Tonks was curled up beside him, her arm wrapped around his middle. He smiled, watching as the sunlight lit up her features, lighting up her dark brown hair. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing evenly, making his smile grow even wider.

She seemed so peaceful in her sleep, and he knew that was the way it should be. She needed the sleep desperately, and he did not want to deprive her of it. He raised a hand to her face, lightly tracing the dried tear stains from the night before, making sure not to wake her up. He felt like his petty apologies hadn't been enough to erase the pain that he had put her through again, and guilt washed over him. She loved him, despite the pain that he had caused her, and he knew that he didn't deserve her forgiveness.

He had been so scared, knowing that he had already condemned her to a life of rejection. And then, to find out that he was going to be a father… it was all too much. He knew that his love for her eclipsed his fear over their future, their family's future. But in a moment of weakness, he had let his fear take over him. If he could have erased time and gone back to that moment when she told him that they were going to have a baby, he would have done things differently. He would have quelled his fear and looked past all the negative thoughts, only focusing on the positive ones. The future that they could have with their child… _together_.

He grinned at her, despite the fact that she was still sleeping peacefully in his arms. He had never realized how different they were, nor how they both balanced each other out. He had seen many of his friend die around him, and he was old, poor, and broken. He was like a ghost, living in the wrong time period. But she, she was the complete opposite. She was so young and full of life, and she was more whole than he could have ever been. And despite the fact that he was so different from her, she loved him, and that made him feel more whole than he ever was before. Despite how absurd it sounded, it was like she brought him back to life. He felt like he was a Marauder again, fresh out from Hogwarts and ready to face the world. It was a change, he thought, from all the loneliness and pain that was in his life before.

That was the bright side of their love for each other, he mused, his smile fading as he considered the darker side. He loved her so much, more than he could ever express in words or actions. When he was around her, he felt his defenses crumble, his loneliness fade away. It was the same happiness that brought them together that almost tore them apart. His love for her had led him to do desperate things, like pushing her away, leaving her, hurting her, running away... it had led him to attempt to abandon her and his unborn child so that he couldn't hold them back from achieving their dreams.

_"You are my dream, Remus_." Dora had told him the night before, when he had returned from Grimmauld Place. He had thought over Harry's words and the boy was right. No parent should ever leave their child unless they absolutely had to, and he had foolishly tried to run away from his responsibility, as a father and husband. And so, he had returned, not expecting forgiveness.

_"I know you were scared... I can admit that I am too. We're in the middle of a war, but we need each other to get through this. We need this happiness, Remus, and I wish you didn't have to hurt me every time to see that." She whispered, covering his mouth with her hand when he started to apologize. "You don't need to apologize, Remus. You shouldn't be sorry for being scared."_

_ He removed her hand gently, never looking away from her eyes. "Dora, I'd be a fool not to be scared. But I shouldn't have run away like a coward. I should have talked with you about it instead of acting. I want this child, I really do. I just don't want to hold both of you back from your dreams."_

_ "You are my dream, Remus." She spoke softly, her eyes shining. "And you are most definitely not a coward. Our child won't be ashamed of you anymore than they are ashamed of me. I'm a freak, and you're a werewolf. But he or she will love us for who we are. We'll teach them better than to judge others because of what they are."_

_ "I may be a werewolf Dora but you are most definitely not a freak. You're perfect. Never say that about yourself." He whispered back fiercely. She smiled, reaching up and pulling him into a kiss. He willingly let her, running his hand through her hair. He didn't know what he did to deserve her._

_"I love you so much, Dora." He murmured against her lips, feeling her smile widen at his words. She pulled away, tracing the scars on his face with her hand._

_ "I love you just as much, Remus. Just please, try not to run away from me, from _us_ again. We're a family now, and you know I need you."_

_ "I know, Dora, I know. I'll try to push away my rational thoughts, hmm?" He collapsed on the bed behind him, pulling her down gently with him. She laughed, the sound like music to his ears. She rolled over onto her back, wrapping her arm around him. _

_ "I'd rather you keep your rational thoughts. One of us has to stay sane." She grinned._

_ "I love you." He whispered into her hair, summoning a blanket from the nearby closet._

_ "I know."She closed her eyes. "I love you too."_

He smiled at her sleeping form once more, leaning over to plant a kiss on her forehead. He moved her arm off of him and rose to his feet, moving silently across the floor so as to not wake her up. He stopped at the doorway and looked back at her, gazing at her with a loving look in his eyes. He knew that only she could ever make him feel this way, like he was on top of the world. He was never going to leave her again; he refused to be the cause of her pain anymore. She was too perfect to suffer. She was beautiful and he was a tragedy. Despite that, he loved her and she loved him and that was more than enough for him.

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><p><strong>So, how was it? I know, I ask this too many times, but I always do like to know how people like my writing! Thanks for the encouraging reviews, for this story and my other ones as well! As always, they make me happy, so I'd love to hear more from you!<strong>

**Also, if you have any suggestions or ideas for this story, I could try to do the prompt some justice! I'm keeping this story rated to a T, nothing higher. I'm not promising I'll publish what you suggest, but if I can write it, I will! Feel free to PM me or leave a message in the reviews!**

**BrokenWhispers11**


	3. Unavoidable

**Hi again! I set a new personal record! It's only been a day since my last update! I'm so psyched! :D Wow, I feel so accomplished, but enough about me, let's get on with the story. This is set after the Hospital Wing Scene in book 6.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series. The characters and certain plot events belong to J.K. Rowling, and the song lyrics at the end belong to Trading Yesterday.**

**On with the story!**

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><p><strong>III. Unavoidable<strong>

**Song: Shattered, by Trading Yesterday**

The moon rose in the sky slowly, and his eyes traced its path, never leaving the glowing white orb in the sky. The grass around him was damp, but he didn't mind as he lay down, his arms folded behind his head for support. He sighed softly, but it sounded unnaturally loud in the silence. It was always the same, he thought sadly, finally tearing his eyes away from the moon and closing his eyes. Someone tried to get close to him, he resisted at first, then he let them, and then they vanished. Like the stars. There one minute, gone the next. It was life, he mused, or at least his life anyways.

He had spent too much time pondering the loss of the ones he loved, but now, it was all that kept him human. It was tearing him apart, living in memories, but it kept him sane. It reminded him that he was human enough to feel the pain of losing loved ones, to feel the fear of losing more of the people he let inside. He had tried countless times to let go of everyone he held dear to him, but he had failed miserably. His attempts to push everyone farther away again had been unsuccessful, and he only ended up bringing them closer to his heart. And he found that he didn't mind as much as he thought he would. He needed them there with him, because he didn't want to be alone again.

But he still had to keep some distance, because he did not want to feel the pain of all of them dying around him. He would fight to keep them alive, but sometimes fate was unavoidable. It was selfish, he knew, to keep everyone at a distance for the sake of his pain. But he had endured too much over the years, and he could not bear anymore deaths. He had already lost four of his best friends… he didn't want to lose any more of them.

But still, despite how much he tried to push her away, Nymphadora Tonks had still found her way into his heart. He had panicked, trying unsuccessfully to push her away as well. But every time she smiled, every time she laughed, every time she spoke his name… it sent shivers down his spine. And he found that as much as he wanted to push her away from him, he couldn't. When he was away from her, his thoughts and dreams would be filled with her, her laugh, her smile, her voice, her eyes… she was unavoidable. He often imagined what it would be like to hold her in his arms and kiss her, never letting go. But then, the painful reminders of who he was, _what_ he was, and the painful pattern in his life had wrenched the dreams from him, reminding him that he couldn't let her inside. Instead, he could only offer her useless excuses when she told him that she loved him.

He loved her so much more than she could ever know, and it hurt him more than he thought it would when he pushed her away again and again. He was completely wrong for her, and he wished that she would see that and let go, so he could try to move on. He was too old for her, thirteen years to be exact. He was already in Hogwarts when she was born, and while the rational part of his mind told him that age didn't matter in love, he ignored it, holding onto his beliefs. He was destitute, and it was something he was ashamed of. He couldn't afford decent clothes, and he only had a shabby shack for a home. And he was a werewolf, and that made him more dangerous to her than anyone else. He could hurt her just because he loved her, change her into a werewolf or kill her in an instant because of what he was. And he wanted to avoid that at all costs. He would not condemn her to a life of poverty and danger. She deserved so much better than that.

_But she wants you_, his mind echoed the words that Arthur Weasley had spoken to him only a few hours ago. And why she did, he would never know. She could have anyone in the world but she chose him. It confused him, because he was nothing compared to her. She was the world to him, and he was insignificant. But she saw him when no one else did, comforted him when no one else could, and was there for him despite the many times he hurt her. He loved her so much, and he wished that he didn't have to push her away.

_Let her in. Let her help you,_ his mind continued to argue and he could feel his resistance start to crumble. To be able to hold her, kiss her, love her… it was all he could ever ask for. Even if it was being selfish, he wanted to be with her more than anything else. But if he hurt her, he would die, and she would hate him and his perfect world would crumble once again. It would be like losing all the Marauders again, all at once, like it had been the day Lily and James were killed. And he would be thrown into a deep depression again, and the pain would be unbearable. But if even a moment of happiness…

_She's hurting, and you can end it._ And how true it was. He could end her pain and his by giving into his feelings. How simple it would be, to go to her and beg for her forgiveness, tell her that he changed his mind, that he would love her forever. To see her face light up, to see her mousy brown hair turn to his favorite shade of pink that suited her so well… it would be worth it in the end, even though he would end up in even more pain than before. What mattered was that she was happy, and if he could make her happy… then his pain would be insignificant in the end.

He opened his eyes and scrambled to his feet, refusing to look at the moon that was the cause of all his problems. He would tell her that he loved her, ask for her forgiveness, and then tell her that he loved her over and over again. Because she deserved to be happy, and she deserved more than anything, to know how much he loved her. He would open his heart to her, let her inside completely, and find comfort in her presence.

He turned around to face his home, and froze, not expecting what he saw. She was leaning against the closed door, her head bowed and her brown hair covering her face. He found himself wondering how long she had been standing there, but he pushed the thought aside, taking slow steps towards her. He could see the faint tinge of pink on her cheeks and he found himself thinking that it was endearing. "Dora."

She looked up, an apologetic look in her eyes. He smiled softly, to reassure her that he didn't mind that she had come to find him. He reached for her hand and pulled her gently towards him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She held onto him tightly as well, and they stayed like that for a few minutes, reveling in the silence. Reluctantly, he pulled away, looking down sadly at her. "I'm so sorry, Nymphadora."

"Don't call me that." She scowled, and he laughed, causing her face to flush even more. "And I came here to apologize to you, not the other way around. I didn't mean to call you out in front of everyone like that."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad you did. It brought me to my senses." He grinned as she frowned in confusion. He leaned down and kissed her softly, wrapping his arms around her again. He could sense her surprise, and pulled away quickly. "I know I hurt you, but I love you, and if you'll have me, I'm willing to be with you."

Her eyes instantly lit up and she reached up to pull him down for another kiss, letting him know that all was forgiven. He smiled against her lips, cupping her face in his hands, closing his eyes as her hair turned its brightest shade of pink. The moonlight shone down upon the two of them, but neither of them noticed. They were the only two in the world, and no one else and nothing else mattered. The war that was going on was just a figment of their imagination, and all they could see were each other. This wasn't how he planned to confess his undying love for her, but Remus Lupin knew that he would never let go of her now that he had her in his arms. She was unavoidable, and he found that he didn't want to try anymore.

**And I've lost who I am, (i'm waiting)  
>and I can't understand (and fading)<br>Why my heart is so broken, (and holding)  
>rejecting your love, (love) without, (onto these tears)<br>love gone wrong; lifeless words carry on (i am crying)  
>But I know, all I know's that the end's beginning (i'm dying tonight)<br>who I am from the start, (i'm waiting)  
>take me home to my heart (and fading)<br>Let me go and I will run, (and holding)  
>I will not be silent, (silent) all this time (onto these tears)<br>spent in vain; wasted years wasted gain (i am crying)  
>All is lost but hope remains and this war's not over (i'm dying tonight)<br>There's a light, there's a sun (i'm waiting...)  
>taking all these shattered ones<br>To the place we belong (i am waiting...)**

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><p><strong>How was it? I hope you enjoyed it, and I will try to update again some time soon. At the latest, once a month, though I hope it should never come to that. Anyways, just thought I'd remind readers that if they want to suggest any ideas, they are welcome to. I'm not making any promises, but if it is doable, it shall be done! Thanks for reading and reviewing!<strong>

**BrokenWhispers11  
><strong>


	4. Constant

**Yay! Another update! :D**

**Anyways, this one was inspired by the song "My Heart is Broken" by Evanescence, and while the lead singer has stated that the song is about sex trafficking, I chose to use it in a different context. I hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series. J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter series, but I would love to meet her one day! :D And I don't own the lyrics or song either. Evanescence owns them, so credit for that goes to the amazing band!**

**On with the story!  
><strong>

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><p><strong>IV. Constant<strong>

**Song: My Heart Is Broken, by Evanescence**

**I will wander till the end of time, torn away from you.**

**I pulled away to face the pain.**  
><strong>I close my eyes and drift away.<strong>  
><strong>Over the fear that I will never find<strong>  
><strong>A way to heal my soul.<strong>  
><strong>And I will wander till the end of time<strong>  
><strong>Torn away from you.<strong>

The cold wind blew through her and she shivered, wrapping her arms tightly around her body. She took one cautious step forwards, then another. Her chocolate brown eyes were fixed on the ground, searching for black ice, because she knew that she would inevitably end up on the cold, wet ground due to her talent for clumsiness. White snowflakes fell from the sky, resting in her dark brown hair. A scarf was wrapped around her mouth and nose, but it did nothing to prevent the cold.

She made her way towards the dark alley on the other side of the street, away from the muggles. Glancing around her, she made sure that no one was around before stepping into the alley. With one final glance towards the entrance, she spun around on the spot and felt the familiar tug of apparition pulling her. She closed her eyes, her mind fixed on the street by her flat in Hogsmeade, knowing that when she opened them again, she would find herself in the familiar street.

Sure enough when she opened her eyes, the comforting buildings of Hogsmeade surrounded her, their walls shadowing her. She kept her head down and her wand at her side, her fingers wrapped tightly around the handle. She didn't expect to find any trouble, but her mentor's constant reminder of "constant vigilance" had taught her to keep her guard up even when she wasn't in danger. And while she was still as clumsy as ever, she really did try to be constantly vigilant.

When she had finally reached her flat, she let down the wards and unlocked the door, replacing the wards once she was safely inside. She locked the door and headed to the sofa, stumbling over small objects littered across the floor. She collapsed on the sofa and flicked her wand towards the floor, sending everything flying back to its place. She closed her eyes and sighed, finally letting go of her emotionless facade.

Sobs racked her body, and no matter how hard she tried to hold them back, tears escaped from her eyes. Her throat felt constricted and she struggled to breathe as thoughts of him filled her mind. He was perfect; the way he looked at her, the way he smiled, the way he spoke to her… he was everything that she had ever dreamed of. But he had his insecurities too, as she did, and he couldn't believe that she truly loved him. She had never wanted to be the girl crying and broken after being rejected by the one that she loved. But she knew that that was exactly what she was doing now, and she couldn't hold the tears back.

"_Move on, Nymphadora, please. In the end, you'll see that it's for the best_." He had told her gently, even holding her and wiping away her tears after. It was just another reason why she loved him. He was so caring, and kind, but he couldn't see that in himself. Instead, he saw only a monster, intent on harming and killing everyone in his path._ "I'm too dangerous, and I don't want to hurt you."_ His eyes were filled with fear and resignation, and she had wanted to desperately cling on to him and plead endlessly for him to let go of the fear. He was a werewolf, but that didn't mean he would hurt anyone. He had never hurt anyone; he was so gentle all the time and she didn't think that he was capable of hurting the people he cared about. But he had thought differently, and all he could give her were excuses to turn her away, each one wasted on her. She had had crushes before, even dated a few times, but the feelings were never this intense. She was in love with him, and it seemed almost eternal, like it would never fade away. At night, she would dream about him, and relive memories. During the day, her thoughts would be preoccupied with him. Even her Patronus changed into a werewolf, and that seemed proof enough of her feelings for him.

But now, he was out of reach, gone to live with his "equals", as he had termed Fenrir Greyback's pack of werewolves. She loathed Greyback, who was the definition of a monster. He had turned Remus' life into a nightmare, all for the pleasure of getting revenge and biting a little kid. She cried harder as she tried to picture the way Remus must have felt, suddenly being rejected and forced to grow up at such a young age. She hated Greyback, and if Remus didn't kill the wolf one day, she would. It scared her, to know that Remus was with the pack under Dumbledore's orders, trying to bring the werewolves to the Order's side. He had accepted the request, not even giving it a second thought, feeling like he had no choice but to live with his "equals". She had begged and pleaded for him to reconsider but he had just shaken his head at her, accepting the job that she knew he hated. He was not like them, not like them at all, but he felt like he was as monstrous as the other werewolves. But he was wrong, so, so, wrong. He was _nothing_ like them, and she wished that he could see it.

What if they hurt him? Greyback was ruthless and would hurt Remus for sure, seeing as Remus had rejected Greyback and his pack for so long. She was anxiously awaiting his return from the pack. She needed to see him, make sure that he was alright, clean his wounds… she had to be there for him, even if he wouldn't let her. She didn't question her reasons for loving him, though she knew that others might. He knew that others would as well, and didn't want her to lose her honor as a result of being with him. But what he didn't realize was that he wasn't the only one who was seen as different. She had faced her own amount of rejection from others, and had been prepared for him to reject her the first time he met her. But instead, he had accepted her. And she wished that he would accept her now, because she hated feeling depressed, crying every night when she was home alone. She was truly in love with him, and she wished he could see that too.

**My heart is broken  
>Sweet sleep, my dark angel<br>Deliver us from sorrow's hold  
>(Over my heart).<strong>

"_Remus?" _

_Her voice was barely above a whisper as she faced the door, her words met with silence. She closed her eyes and sighed, taking his silence as a hint of rejection. She turned around and started to walk away, occupied in her own thoughts. She had missed the sound of his door opening quietly, only realizing that he was there when his hand closed around her wrist, preventing her from walking away._

"_Hello, Nymphadora." He spoke quietly, looking her in the eyes. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of him. She knew that he had taken Sirius' death hard, but he looked so tired and worn as he gazed at her intensely. Her mind dimly recalled that the full moon had been only a few days ago, and the wolf had torn him apart. She had found him knocked out and covered in blood when she had come to check on him the next day. She had wanted to take him to St. Mungo's but she had reminded herself that Remus disliked the hospital and would rather not go there. She had reluctantly decided to call for Mrs. Weasley instead, knowing that the older witch would know what to do. had practically forced Remus to stay at the Burrow, despite his many protests. She hadn't seen him much since._

"_Remus." She breathed, surprised to see him. "I wanted to see if you were alright."_

"_I'm as fine as can be, I suppose. Not exactly at my finest but I will be better eventually." He smiled weakly and she returned it before turning her gaze to his hand still wrapped around hers. Noticing it as well, he released it. She looked into his eyes again, her smile slowly fading._

"_Oh. That's good..." she trailed off, looking down at her feet. She bit her lip, unsure of how to approach the subject she had really come to talk to him about._

"_Is everything alright?" She could hear the concern in his voice and she resisted the urge to smile again. He was always so caring…_

"_I…I don't know. I didn't come here just to ask you if you were all right. I wanted to talk to you…about Sirius." She whispered. "I understand if you'd rather not talk about him. I'm probably bothering you anyways. I'll just leave now, sorry."_

_She turned around and started to walk away, keeping her gaze fixed on the dusty carpet in front of her. She had made a complete fool of herself, she was sure of it. Of course he didn't want to talk about Sirius. He had just lost the last of his best friends. He had locked himself in his room for days before the full moon, and even after, she hardly saw him. He wasn't over Sirius' death yet, and here she was stupidly asking him to talk about something he clearly did not want to talk about. She was about to turn the corner when his voice stopped her. "Wait."_

_She froze, her heart pounding. Was he really going to…open up to her? He was usually so private, so it seemed rather shocking that he would want to talk to her about something that was affecting him so badly. She turned around slowly, a questioning look on her face. He was standing in his doorway, about to go inside. "It's alright, you're not bothering me. And while I'd rather not talk about Sirius, you clearly need to. I guess I'm the only one who might feel anything close to what you're feeling and be able to answer your questions. Come on."_

_She nodded, and walked back to his room, still feeling bad for asking him to do this for her. She just needed to talk with him because, like he said, he was the only one there who knew what she was feeling. "I'm sorry."_

_He offered her another small smile, entering his room. "Don't be."_

She opened her eyes, the sound of her breathing loud to her ears. She pushed herself up with her arms until she was sitting, her back resting against the headboard. Closing her eyes, she took in deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She didn't know why she remembered this now, when it had happened so long ago. It had meant a lot to her at the time, but now, it didn't make sense. Why did she dream of this?

She searched through her mind for that memory, trying to remember what had happened after she had entered his room. She dimly recalled their conversation, asking him how he coped with the deaths of so many people around him. His answer wasn't exactly what she had wanted to hear, but it was true. _"I don't think I can ever get over the loss of the people who were close to me. There's not a day that goes by without me thinking of them. But I've learnt to grieve and keep to myself for a while and then push my feelings aside and immerse myself in my work. It's the way I cope, I suppose. Maybe not the most healthy way to grieve, but in the end, I push forwards because I have to."_

She remembered how she had opened up to him afterwards, letting him inside just as he was letting her. _"I don't know what to feel, Remus. I-I'm angry, but I don't want to be. Sirius knew the risks, he knew that he could be killed, but he went. And now that he's gone, both you and Harry are hurting and it pains me to think that the two of you have to suffer this. Especially you, Remus. You've lost so much… I'm angry at him for doing this to both of you. I'm angry at him for leaving me too. He was my cousin, and though he was locked up in Azkaban for half of my life, it made me so happy to know that he was really innocent. Even though he was unhappy, being locked up in that dark old house, he was so nice to me. I really liked having a cousin again."_

"_I know." Remus spoke quietly, his gaze fixed on the window. "I'm angry too, for the same reasons you are. But I'm angry at myself too. Part of me is angry for letting them in, letting myself get hurt when they died. But I always regret that thought because I needed them, and they were there for me. And the other part of me is angry that I couldn't stop Peter from betraying Lily and James and that I couldn't stop Sirius from going with us to protect Harry."_

"_You shouldn't blame yourself, Remus." She had whispered, a curtain of dull pink hair hiding her face from his view. "I've thought too many 'what ifs?' too, like how if I didn't let my crazed aunt knock me out, Sirius would still be here. All they've done is make me doubt myself even more. I don't like thinking like that, but I do. I'm an auror, but in a moment of weakness, I let Bellatrix knock me out and kill my cousin. What if I make the same mistake again and cost someone else their life?"_

_She closed her eyes, remembering Bellatrix's maniacal laugh and crazy grin. She had let the woman get to her, and Sirius had paid for it. She hugged her knees, burying her face in her arms. He was the one relative of hers that wasn't truly a Black. Yes, he had the Black charm and looks, but inside he was anything but a Black. He had been her favorite cousin because he understood how she felt about her mother's family. _

"_Everyone makes mistakes Nymphadora. And if Bellatrix hadn't killed him, someone else might have. You're right, we shouldn't be thinking of what ifs because all they do is make us doubt ourselves. It was never your fault either and you were not weak. If anything, you're one of the strongest people I know." She lifted her head up from her arms to see Remus smiling at her._

"_Really?" She searched his face for some sign of a lie. She found none._

"_Really. Trust me, you are really one of the strongest people I've ever known. Even though you're related to the Blacks, you've fought against their ideals for a better world. And even though you feel like you don't belong sometimes, you be yourself, never changing for someone else." His voice was soft and tender, and it sent shivers down her back._

"_How do you know that about me?" she whispered, surprised. She hadn't realized he knew that much about her. He was always so quiet, trying to fade into the background that she never noticed how observant he was._

"_I've felt the same way, but unlike you, I can't push it aside like it doesn't matter. I can pretend, but in the end it all comes down to the fact that I turn into a bloodthirsty monster every full moon." He spoke bitterly, lowering his eyes to his scarred hands. He was startled when she reached over and grasped his hand, squeezing it lightly._

"_If it makes any difference, I never once thought of you as not belonging here. Just because most people in society are too prejudiced, it doesn't mean that the people who care about you will push you away too. You belong here as much as anyone else. Never think that you don't." she whispered fiercely, tracing the scars on his hands with her finger. He swallowed painfully, closing his eyes._

"_Thank you Nymphadora." _

She opened her eyes once more, drawing in a sharp breath. She remembered why this memory had been so important to her. It was the first time she realized that she had feelings for him. It made sense that it would haunt her dreams now, since he had rejected her and left on his mission. She ran a hand over her face and threw back the covers to her bed. The cold night's air hit her and she shivered, walking to the window. Her eyes instinctively sought out the moon, almost full.

He had opened up to her when he had opened up to no one else, after Sirius died, and the reality of it hadn't struck her at the time. But now, looking at the moon, she felt like she understood the significance of the memory more. Remus was a very private person, and he didn't really open up to people very often. But for some reason, he had opened up to _her_. He had opened up to Nymphadora Tonks, not just another friend. It meant something, but she didn't know what.

Still, the thought that she might mean something to him lifted her spirits a little. He had never made his feelings for her clear. He had only held her and comforted her and told her that he couldn't be with her. She let out a sigh of frustration, running a hand through her hair. If she meant something, anything at all to him, then why couldn't he just give her a straight answer? It was least he could do to spare her the pains she was feeling now. A yes or a no would have sufficed, not lame excuses to skirt around the question. She was hurting so much, but he couldn't see that. _"You'll get over me. You'll see." _He had told her. But he was wrong. She couldn't get over him, no matter how hard she tried. He meant too much to her, and if she let go of him, she would lose a part of herself as well. She was already losing herself in her depression, and it bothered her. She couldn't stop the sorrow taking over her, and she hated feeling like she was hardly alive. She wanted to smile again, morph again, be happy again. And she could be happy again, if he would only tell her that he loved her too.

**I can't go on living this way**  
><strong>But I can't go back the way I came<strong>  
><strong>Chained to this fear that I will never find<strong>  
><strong>A way to heal my soul<strong>  
><strong>And I will wander 'til the end of time<strong>  
><strong>Half alive without you<strong>

**My heart is broken**  
><strong>Sweet sleep, my dark angel<strong>  
><strong>Deliver us<strong>

She sat on the grass by the lake, watching the black water ripple from the light breeze coming from the east. Her wand lay by her side, her hand grasping it lightly while her eyes had a faraway look in them. She sighed for what seemed like the millionth time in months, staying silent, watching the water.

Dry tears were on her face and she made no move to wipe the stains from her face. It was pointless, she decided, to keep on trying to erase the evidence of what he was putting her through. She was already broken, and she was tired of trying to hide it from him, from everyone. She couldn't keep on hiding her feelings from everyone, bottling them inside like he did, because it would only make it worse in the end.

But she couldn't stop the surge of embarrassment that flooded through her whenever her friends and colleagues had to witness her like this. Strong, brave Tonks was reduced to a weak, pitiful, and sobbing Nymphadora. And she hated it, hated moping around, like she was pining for her love. She wanted to smile again, to smile for him, with him… she needed to be with him, but she couldn't do that if he kept on pushing her away. She couldn't bear the thought of letting the people she knew see her tears, her brokenness.

She raised her hand, and whispered the words, "Expecto Patronum", watching as the silvery werewolf leapt from her wand, gliding on the surface of the lake. She closed her eyes, imagining where he was, and what he was doing. She could see him at Molly's place for Christmas, surrounded by friends, laughing, smiling… Molly _had_ mentioned that he would stop by. She could only hope that he had.

"Remus, I love you." She whispered, willing her voice not to break. "I don't care that you're older than me, or that you're poor. And I know you would never hurt me. Please…"

She trailed off, unsure of how to continue. She opened her eyes to see her Patronus gazing at her expectantly. With a sad smile, she sent it to find Remus at the Burrow. It was late, and he would be alone, no doubt. She hoped that he got her message. She wished that he would find her, hold her, tell her that everything would be okay, and that he loved her. But it was nothing more than that, just wishes. He would get her message, but he would never come, and she would still be here, cold and alone, and broken.

**Change - open your eyes to the light  
>I denied it all so long, oh so long<br>Say goodbye, goodbye**

**My heart is broken**  
><strong>Release me, I can't hold on<strong>  
><strong>Deliver us<strong>  
><strong>My heart is broken<strong>  
><strong>Sweet sleep, my dark angel<strong>  
><strong>Deliver us<strong>  
><strong>My heart is broken<strong>  
><strong>Sweet sleep, my dark angel<strong>  
><strong>Deliver us from sorrow's hold<strong>

She closed the doors to the hospital wing, and started running. She didn't know where she was headed, but she needed to get away. From the hospital wing, Bill, the Weasleys, Remus, the school, from everything. She could hear his voice from a distance behind her, but she passed it off as her imagination. He would never come after her; he couldn't ever want to come after her. He hated her, she was sure of it. Finally tearing out of the school and into the grounds, she ran towards her flat.

Once inside, she collapsed to the ground, leaning her back against the door. An almost inhuman wail of grief escaped her, and she found that she didn't care. What was the point anymore? Of fighting this war, of trying to win Remus' love? They had lost the only person that Voldemort was afraid of, and Remus definitely hated her. Why had she been so stupid? Why had she broken down like that in front of everyone? She hated herself so much. She had hurt him, and herself, even more.

She stood up, wiping away the tears in her eyes. Swallowing painfully, she made her way to the mirror on the other side of the room, her eyes fixed on her pale, thin reflection. Anger rushed through her, anger at herself, at Remus, at Dumbledore, at Snape, at Greyback, at the war…

"You're weak!" she shouted at her reflection, glaring at it. Her hand curled into a fist. "You're pathetic, weak, and stupid!"

Her fist slammed into the middle of the mirror, and it shattered. Shards of glass fell to the ground noisily, and she felt almost satisfied by the sound of it hitting the ground. She raised her fist once more to strike the mirror when a hand closed around her wrist, preventing her from hitting the mirror again.

"You are not weak, Nymphadora." A hoarse voice spoke behind her, as she jumped, startled. She closed her eyes, knowing he was behind her. "You are not weak, pathetic, or stupid."

"What are you doing here?" she sounded tired, and he didn't blame her. She had every right to be tired, after all that had happened that night. Not to mention all the pain he put her through… "How did you get in here?"

"I was worried about you. I came after you, but you were too quick. When I came here, the door was unlocked." He turned her around, cradling her hand in his, inspecting her wounds. Without another word, he led her to the couch, gesturing for her to sit down. Once she was seated, he kneeled down, raising his wand to the cuts.

"Episkey." He whispered, and she winced slightly in pain. He healed her other cuts, finally gazing into her eyes once all of them were healed. "Are you alright?"

She looked away, biting her lip. She was embarrassed that he had to find her like that. She had acted so immature… "I'm fine."

He reached over and turned her face towards his, a serious expression on his own. "Don't lie to me, Nymphadora. How are you really?"

"I said I'm fine." She murmured, but when she realized that he was still not buying that, she relented. "Okay, I'm not fine, but you don't have to concern yourself with me."

"I'm not doing it out of obligation." He spoke in a low voice, and she could hear the sincerity in his words."I'm asking because I care about you, and you have me worried."

She could feel the tears start to form again and was startled once again when he reached up to wipe them away. She closed her eyes, finding comfort in his touch. She could feel her body start to shake with suppressed sobs and she finally gave in to them, letting him wrap his arms around her as she rest her head on his shoulder. "It's alright, Dora, it's all right."

His soothing whispers only caused her to clutch his robes even harder. He stroked her hair, meaning to comfort her, but she only cried harder. "I'm so tired of this Remus. Of this war, of trying to make you see that I don't care about your age, poverty, or lycanthropy. I'm tired of crying so much, like a weak, pathetic…"

"Dora." He whispered, interrupting her. "Dora, you're _not_ weak or pathetic. You're allowed to cry. You can't honestly believe that I haven't either, after all that has happened."

"Really?"

"Really." He pulled back to look in her eyes. His own were filled with sadness and an emotion that she did not recognize. "I don't know what you see in me Nymphadora. You could have someone else, someone who isn't broken, someone who isn't dangerous…"

"But they wouldn't be you. Please, just accept that I love you for who you are, not what you are. I can't keep on fighting, Remus. Tell me that you don't love me, or give me, give _us_, a try. Please."

He cast his eyes towards the ground nervously. He couldn't keep on hurting her like this, but he was so wrong for her. He would curse her with a life of rejection, a life of poverty, but she looked so desperate. It would be going against his better judgment to say yes, but to say no would kill her, and him as well. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Dora, you need to know that I love you." He gently spoke, smiling at her. Her breath caught in her throat as he leaned closer to her, until his lips were almost on hers. "And if it will make you smile again, I will push away my concerns and be with you, so that you can be happy again."

He kissed her gently, and she pulled him closer. His arm wrapped around her waist, and her arms found their way around his neck. All rational thoughts escaped his mind, and all that mattered was her. She could feel the heavy weight of her depression lift, and she smiled. She knew that despite everything that was changing around them, he would always be there for her, her constant.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope that wasn't too cheesy? Or sappy? :D<strong>

**I think this is almost like a filler for book 6. I mean, Tonks makes appearances, but this can be like the stuff that Harry didn't see. I sometimes wish J.K. Rowling had written more on these two... :)**

**Anyways, thanks to those who reviewed and favorited/alerted my story** **:D More reviews are welcome! hehe :)**

**BrokenWhispers11**


	5. His Everything

**Hello! I apologize for not updating as quickly as I did for the last couple of chapters, but it has been a busy week! So, anyways, when I update, it will most likely be on the weekends, so don't think that I've given up on this! **

**Also, to RemusNTonks, thank's for the ideas! I will try to get started on some of them, and I apologize if it takes a while to post. Thanks for the reviews everyone!**

** Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, nor do I own the song, October, which is by Evanescence. I hope you enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>V. His Everything<strong>

**Song: October, by Evanescence**

"**My only hope (All the times I've tried)**

**My only peace (to walk away from you)**

**My only joy, my only strength**

**(I fall into your abounding grace)**

**My only power, my only life**

**(And love is where I am)"**

The rain beat against the window, its incessant tapping keeping him awake. He lay with his eyes closed, still able to see the light of each flash of lightning. He sighed inaudibly, grasping his thin blanket and pulling it even more tightly around his thin frame. However, it did nothing to keep away the cold, nor did the action comfort him from his memories. He turned over on his side so that he was facing the window.

He opened his eyes, glancing at the drops of rain trickling down the glass surface, sadness in his expression. He heaved yet another sigh, wondering how his life had come to this. Alone, weary, and sad. Those words weren't enough to describe his current situation. It was more than that, much more than that. He was more alone than he had ever been before, and this time, it was entirely his own fault. He had refused her affections, believing that he was helping her. He was sure that he was doing her a favor, protecting her from himself, a dark and dangerous creature. If he lost control and bit her… he shivered at the thought of doing that to her. She deserved to live a normal life, accepted by others. Not rejected and scorned like him. He gazed into the darkness, a lost look in his eyes. He couldn't stop his mind from drifting back to the first time he had met her, at Grimmauld Place.

_ The sound of the front door opening snapped him out of his thoughts, and he rose to his feet, gripping his wand tightly at his side. The others behind him had copied him, standing guarded as well. Despite the fact that they could all hear the telltale _thunk! _of Mad-Eye Moody's wooden leg, they remained cautious. Nodding slightly at the other Order members, he quietly stepped through the kitchen doorway, his wand raised. He instantly recognized the scarred face as Moody's, and lowered his wand, stepping forward to greet the man. He opened his mouth, about to say hello when he noticed a figure standing behind the Auror. He shot the older man a questioning look, waiting for him to introduce his companion._

_ "Lupin," Mad-eye growled, his magical eye looking around the hallway. "This is Nymphadora Tonks, an Auror at the Ministry of Magic. She's the one I told you about, the new Order member."_

_ With a glance behind him at his companion, Mad-eye moved past him and into the kitchen where the other Order members were, leaving him to escort the new member inside. He smiled at the girl standing in front of him, and she returned it, her eyes shining. She had shoulder length purple hair and brown eyes that seemed to light up in the darkness. She wore dark brown boots and dark blue jeans, her Auror's robes draped over her shoulders.. He walked a couple of steps towards her, stretching out his hand to her._

_ "Hello, Nymphadora." He spoke softly, an unusual feeling rushing through him when he felt her skin make contact with his. He missed her wince at the sound of her name, continuing. "I'm Remus Lupin, a former professor at Hogwarts."_

_ "Nice to meet you Remus. And please, if you don't want to be hexed, _don't _call me Nymphadora."He frowned in confusion, wondering why she wouldn't let him call her by her name. "It's just Tonks."_

_ "Well then, Tonks, welcome to the Order." He released her hand, trying to ignore the way his heart sank when her hand withdrew from his. He turned around, about to lead the way into the kitchen. "Come, follow me."_

_ "Sure." He could hear her soft footfalls as she moved to stand behind him. "Thanks, I know-"_

_ She stopped speaking suddenly, and he turned around quickly, only to see her foot catch on the troll leg umbrella stand. She went flying forwards and he reached out reflexively, gripping her shoulders and steadying her. Her eyes were shut tight and her hair had turned a bright shade of red._

_ "You're a metamorphmagus." He stated, surprised. It was very rare to meet one, and it made it even more surprising that one was now a member of the order. She opened her eyes, a similar shade of red coloring her face as well._

_ "Y-yeah, I am." She replied, her voice shaky. She regained her balance and he let go of her shoulders, still smiling. "And as you have just witnessed, I happen to be extremely clumsy. Thanks."_

_ His eyes twinkled at her in response and he continued to lead the way to the kitchen, where she would meet the other Order members, including Sirius Black. He knew that Nymphadora was related to Sirius, but hoped that Mad-eye had had the sense to tell her that Sirius was innocent. He wasn't really looking forward to explaining his friend's innocence to yet another person. He hoped that she believed Mad-Eye, that she believed him. Looking into her gentle brown eyes, he pushed his doubts away, holding open the kitchen door with the feeling that she would believe him and trust him anyways._

The rain beat against the window even harder now, and he groaned, turning over onto his back again. Why couldn't he let her go? She deserved so much more than what he could give her. She had to see that. It was so hard to suppress the memories flooding through his mind, memories of her with him. He couldn't hold them back, no matter how hard he tried to push them away to the back of his mind.

_ "Remus?" he closed his eyes and smiled at the sound of his name coming from her. Why did she have this effect on him? Just the sound of her voice made him want to reach for her and kiss her senseless. He blushed at the thought and opened his eyes, sighing._

_ "Hello Nymphadora." His voice was quiet, and he waited for her to pick up their usual argument over her name. While he wouldn't admit it to her, she looked rather sweet when she was angry. She was also very amusing as well._

_ "I've told you a million times, Remus. Don't call me Nymphadora! You know I hate it." She cried out in exasperation. Her hair was turning dark red again, and she fixed her glare on him._

_ "I don't know why you hate your name. I happen to think that its nice." He smiled at her as she sat down next to him._

_ "Yeah, right." She snorted in amusement. Her eyes were shining up at him. "Only a fool would believe that."_

_ "Then I must be the biggest fool in the world. I happen to think that it is a very beautiful name for a very beautiful person."_

_ She narrowed her eyes at him. He swallowed nervously, remaining calm and collected on the outside but panicking on the inside. Why had he said that? Why had he let the words come tumbling out of his mouth? He looked away, embarrassed. It was just a compliment, nothing more, right?_

_ "You're lying." She turned away, closing her eyes. "Either you're lying, or you haven't met many beautiful people."_

_ "What makes you say that?" He looked back at her curiously, a frown on his face. "Surely you've heard it from others as well?"_

_ She laughed bitterly, the sound harsh to his ears. He studied her face carefully, watching the many emotions that flickered across it. Anger, hurt, sadness, resignation… "I only hear that from others when I become their dream girl. When I change myself to look like who they want me to be. When I'm someone I'm not. Then, I hear that. You're… you're the first man to see me in my natural state and still say that."_

_ He looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. He hadn't taken notice to her appearance, so he didn't realize that she had entered the room with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He didn't know why he didn't notice; she was always changing her eye color and hair color that her looks now should have stood out to him. She had, as she said, returned to her natural state, every last morph gone. "I'm not lying, Nymphadora. You are beautiful just the way you are, and you shouldn't let anyone else make you think otherwise."_

_ She really was beautiful. The way her hair framed her face, the way her soft smile played across her lips, her eyes shining with happiness… even her walk held a beauty to it, her clumsiness only enhancing it. She was definitely beautiful, and he wished that he could make her truly see that._

_ "Thank you." She whispered, embracing him. He sat in shock for a moment, unsure of how to react. However, he soon regained his senses and wrapped his arms around her. He had never realized that she held this much pain inside her, over who she was and what she looked like. She had always looked so happy, and he had always been caught up in his thoughts, that he had never had the chance to notice how being a Metamorphmagus affected her. He felt a bit guilty for losing himself in the past like that, failing to help her. A part of his mind still screamed at him to pull away now, but he ignored it. She needed comfort and he realized that he wanted to be the one to give it to her. He could see the unshed tears welling up in her eyes, and he knew that he had to be there for her, just as she was there for him._

A smile spread across his face at the memory. It had felt… good, to say the least. To be able to throw his cares away and revel in a moment of happiness. But he had paid a price for that one moment, and it made things much worse between them. Not even a month later, a couple of weeks after Sirius' death, she had revealed her feeling for him. He had been shocked, and had gently rejected her. It was just a small crush, he told himself. No one would ever love him, being what he was. She had insisted that she loved him, but she was so wrong. He wasn't worthy of love, much less her love.

He closed his eyes, remembering the hurt expression on her face. It had been so painful to deny his love for her, and to push her away when she had helped him to forget about the horrors in his past. But he couldn't risk hurting her; she was too precious to him. She didn't know it, but she was his light in the darkness. Just knowing that she was around comforted him. Knowing that she would smile just for him, the sunlight casting a glow upon her face…

Agitated, he pushed back his blanket, sitting up and swinging his feet over the side of the bed. He pulled on his shoes, grabbing his patched robes from a nearby chair. He draped it across his shoulders, fastening it, and grabbed his wand from his bedside table. He needed to get away from these thoughts, needed to escape the memories. It was bad enough that he kept on picturing her covered in blood every time he saw Greyback make a kill. He had hoped to get away from his feelings for her, coming home for a while, but it didn't seem to work. Now, he was kept awake by memories of her, and he knew that he wouldn't get sleep any time soon. He went outside, disregarding the cold rain that was pouring down on him. He looked up to the sky, wondering where to go. The Three Broomsticks, maybe, to get a bottle of butterbeer or maybe even firewhiskey. It all depended on how bad the pain got; if the memories flooding through his mind proved to be too much, then a simple bottle of butterbeer would definitely be out of the question.

He turned around on the spot, picturing Hogsmeade in his mind and wrenched his eyes shut as he felt the familiar tug of apparition. Once the uncomfortable feeling passed, he opened his eyes to find himself on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. Wrapping his robes even more tightly around himself, he started to walk towards the Three Broomsticks.

Seeing the familiar glow of the lights of the restaurant, he walked in, casting a drying charm on his soaked clothes. He immediately felt the warmth of the room, causing his skin to turn red in the heat. He made his way to one of the empty barstools, without taking a glance at the figure hunched over next to him. He sat down, frowning at the table, suddenly feeling like it was a bad idea to come here.

"Wotcher, Remus." A small voice came from his right. He looked at the person next to him, his eyes widening as he realized that the subject of his thoughts, Nymphadora Tonks, was sitting next to him. He stared at her, a blank expression on his face. Hadn't he come here to forget about her?

"Hello Nymphadora." He replied softly, turning back to the bartender and ordering firewhisky. He definitely needed it now; he had not expected to run into her here, and especially not at this time of night. He watched as she swirled around the contents of her cup, her dark brown hair hanging like a curtain, hiding her face from his view. He took a sip from his drink, wincing as it burned down the back of his throat.

"I never really took you for much of a drinker." She continued, lifting her head and glancing sideways at him. Noticing him staring, she looked back down at her glass, her face reddening. "I mean, you hardly seem like the type of man who would come here to get a glass of firewhiskey at three o'clock in the night."

"And you?" he inquired, taking another sip. "You don't seem like much of a drinker either. I suffered from insomnia. Why aren't you asleep?"

She mumbled something incoherent and he leaned closer to try and hear her. "What?"

"Insomnia too." She lifted her head again to glare at him and suddenly stood up, almost tripping over someone's foot. He reached out to grab her but she steadied herself, brushing his hand away. "I'm going to go home. Night Lupin."

He watched her walk away, emotions warring within him. He had to let her walk away from him; it was for the best. But it felt wrong to leave things like that between them. He breathed in deeply, trying to sort out his thoughts. He was worried about her, no matter how much he wanted to forget about her. He glanced at her face as she exited and saw a single tear fall from her eyes. It broke his resolve, and he stood up quickly, fumbling for change in his pockets. Slamming the money down on the counter, he rushed out the door. He looked around for her retreating form but saw only an empty street. Knowing that she wouldn't have apparated just yet, he started to walk without direction, hoping that he would find her. As he turned a corner, he saw a figure walking in the shadows, and he instantly knew that it was her.

"Nymphadora." He called out, willing her to stop and talk to him. He couldn't bear this anymore, the way she was avoiding him, and the way he was avoiding her. It hurt too much, and he wished more than anything that they could go back to their easy friendship before Sirius' death. "Nymphadora, wait!"

"What, Lupin?" she asked quietly, her voice trembling. "What do you want?"

He walked over to her, and placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her around to face him. "I want to talk to you. Please, stop avoiding me like this."

"I can't talk to you like I used to, Lupin. You of all people should know that."

"Why?"

"Why?" She glared at him again, the tips of her hair turning red. "Because it's too painful, that's why. Because I love you and you're being a prat! Because I know 'talking to you' will become an argument with you, and you'll walk away satisfied, leaving me even more broken than before!"

He remained silent, taking in her words. Didn't she know that he was hurting too? That he was only doing this to protect her? He released his grip on her, stepping back and looking her in the eyes.

"No, Nymphadora. You're wrong. If you think I take pleasure in doing this to you, then you're definitely wrong. It hurts me just as much as it hurts you, and believe me, if I didn't have to do this to you, I wouldn't."

"You don't!" She stepped closer, gripping his robes in hand. Her eyes pleaded silently for him to throw his concerns away. "You don't have to do this, Remus. You won't hurt me. I know you won't, and age and money don't matter to me. I love you!"

"I'm doing this to protect you, Dora. You have to understand that. You can do so much better than me. Don't waste your time on me; move on. Please. I return to the pack soon, and Greyback is ruthless. He hates me, and he will hurt you to get back at me. I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Please, listen to me; it's for the best."

She remained silent, glaring up at him, her face set with determination. She wouldn't give up on him, not now, when there was the slightest chance he felt something for her. "Tell me you don't love me."

"What?" He tried to step back but she gripped his robes even tighter, leaning in even closer. He panicked, nervously looking around. He turned back to face her, avoiding her eyes.

"Tell me you don't love me Remus, and I'll give up now. Say it." He locked gazes with her and opened his mouth, but no words came out. The intense look in her brown eyes left him speechless, and he closed his eyes, trying to form the words again.

"I… I don't…." he tried again, his mouth dry. "This is ridiculous! You know that I love you more than anyone else in this world. Please, don't do this."

"Do what?" He opened his eyes to see her smiling sweetly up at him. "You just admitted that you love me back, Remus, so now I know that you'll give in sooner or later."

"Nymphadora…" he started, sighing.

"It's Tonks!" she snapped at him, her glare returning. "And if you cared even the slightest bit about me, you would stop doing this! All I want to do is be there for you. I'm not asking for you to ask me to marry you or anything. All I'm asking is for you to just let me be there for you, be with you!"

He took a deep breath and tried to sort out his thoughts. All the ways he could hurt her… but looking at her right now, he knew that he had already hurt her. And while she looked past his affliction, she wasn't ignorant. She was everything he ever wanted, everything that he could have. "Why me?"

"I love you because you're everything I ever wanted. Because you're smart, sweet, funny, protective, loyal, caring… even when you push me away, I can't help but love you even more because of your selflessness. You are everything I ever wanted, and I love-"

She was cut off when he softly pressed his lips to hers. She stood still in shock, trying to process what was happening. Regaining her senses, she kissed him back, releasing her grip on his robes and wrapping her arms around him. After a moment, he pulled away, his bangs falling into his eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking at the ground, smiling. "Sorry, about that."

She laughed, the sound like music to his ears. She slipped her hand into his, looking at him seriously now. "Do you really mean it? You'll stop trying to push me away?"

"I mean it, Dora, though I still think that someone else could offer you more. I'm rather glad that you're so persistent. I don't think I could have stayed away any longer." He smiled sheepishly at her, squeezing her hand lightly. She smiled again, her face lighting up, and she turned around, starting to walk. He followed her, watching as her hair turned a faint shade of pink, still smiling. She was everything he had ever wanted, and now that he had her, he realized that he had never felt so complete before in his life. He knew that there would never be anyone else for him in the world, because she was his everything.

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><p><strong>How was it? Please give me some feedback, as it is always appreciated! Also, feel free to submit ideas as well!<strong>

**BrokenWhispers11 (Though it really should be 12 :D ) **


	6. Forever

**I am SO SORRY for not updating in two weeks. I've had so much to do recently that I hav****en't had the time to update as quick as I'd have like. The credit for this one shot goes to RemusNTonks, who wanted a proposal done. BTW, I am still working on your other oneshots, and I am REALLY sorry that I couldn't post this sooner. I hope that it won't take so long to update again, but I apologize if it does take me a while. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does. And the song is Before the Dawn, and it belongs to Evanescence.**

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><p><strong>VI. Forever<strong>

**Song: Before The Dawn, Evanescence**

**Somehow I know that we can't wake again from this dream  
>It's not real, but it's ours.<strong>

She had never thought that she would feel as content as she felt now, she mused, a smile spreading across her face. Her life hadn't been a boring one, and she had no reason to think that it would become like that now. But after a year full of pain and hurt, and after a lifetime of hate from her distant family, she finally felt content with the way her life was going. She was an auror, a member of a special organization dedicated to the downfall of Voldemort, and she had the man she loved by her side. Yes, a war was going on in the world around, and either she or Remus could be killed. But she didn't care in this moment because they were together now, and she would cherish every moment she had with him.

It still took a while for her to get used to being with him. He had pushed her away for a year, and now that they were together, he was making up for every moment of pain he had caused her. He had come after her, following her scene in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. He had held her when the reality of what had happened that night hit her. She had cried for Dumbledore that night, for Bill, for Sirius, for her fallen colleagues and others that she had seen injured or killed because of this war. But her tears that night had been mainly for him; Remus, who had lost his best friends to the war. Remus, who was the victim of lycanthropy and had a low opinion of himself as a result. Remus Lupin, the man that she loved and would die for, but who did not want her to be "tied down to something like him" for her own protection.

She had been able to make him see that she didn't care about his so-called danger to her. She wasn't ignorant; while she didn't care, she was not going to be stupid enough to be in the same room as him when he transformed. But she would be there for him before and after the transformations, and he couldn't change her mind about that. She knew how hard the transformations had been for him since Sirius had died. They were even worse when he was infiltrating Greyback's pack. She was not going to let him suffer alone. His transformations had seemed almost peaceful now, compared to what they were before. Remus looked younger than ever, and she liked to think that her presence in his life made him like that. She knew that he certainly made her feel like she was on top of the world.

She laughed at the realization that she, Nymphadora Tonks, was in love. She had always thought that she would end up single and alone… just a shapeshifting freak. She hadn't meant to fall in love with someone not so unlike herself. Yes, Remus didn't have a choice to transform but they both didn't really belong. Still, they were accepted by the people that they loved and that was all they needed. Also, Remus was her complete opposite; quiet, reserved, bookish, and a former professor. She was loud, clumsy, and…

The sound of something outside her door snapped her from her thoughts, and she picked up her wand, standing up. Someone had apparated in front of her door, and she hadn't been expecting anyone. She slowly moved towards the door, pointing her wand at it, ready to fire a spell at the possible Death Eater. There was a knock on the door, and she hoped that her wards would hold up.

"Who is it?" Her voice shook slightly. She wasn't sure exactly who was outside her door. Chances are it was Remus, Kingsley, or Mad-eye. She wouldn't put it past her mentor to test her constant vigilance. But he would have probably blasted the door down by now instead of waiting outside the door. Her question was soon answered when Remus' unmistakable voice came from the other side of the door. She undid her wards and opened her door.

"Remus." Her eyes widened at the sight of him. He was dressed differently… his faded cardigan was replaced with a light brown suit, and there was some unknown emotion in his eyes. He smiled apologetically at her before taking out his wand and pointing it at her. She dimly recalled that she was supposed to be following the security procedures that the ministry had set up. At least Remus had bothered to remember.

"What form does your current patronus take?" He asked quietly, gazing at her. She fought a smile and remained serious, not lowering her wand. "A werewolf."

He lowered his wand and waited for her to ask him his security question. When she had confirmed that he was really Remus Lupin, she lowered her wand and pulled him inside, closing the door. He smiled at her once more, following her as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Have a seat." She gestured to the couch, but he remained behind her, his gaze still fixed on her. She reached for her mug and turned around to ask him what he wanted to eat and drink when she almost walked into him. He gripped her shoulders, steadying her, and took the mug from her hands, setting it down on the counter.

"I was hoping that we could go out tonight." His voice was filled with that same unidentifiable emotion, and she frowned, wondering what he was planning. It was a bit late to go out now, wasn't it? He must have noticed her doubt, as he hurriedly explained himself.

"There's a place I know that's really peaceful. We can apparate there, and I'm sure that you would enjoy it. It's a nice night, and I thought that maybe you'd like to spend it outside. I think you would like this place." He rubbed the back of his neck, and glanced to the ground, unable to hide his reddening face from her. She smiled at him, and nodded her head, unable to resist from laughing when his face lit up. She walked to the door with him and shrugged on her coat, extinguishing the lights in her apartment. After making sure that her wards were in place, she took his arm and smiled at him, letting him know that she was ready to leave. He smiled back before picturing the place he wanted to go to in his mind and disapparating. She closed her eyes, waiting until she felt solid ground beneath her feet once more before opening them again. She looked around, her breath catching in her throat.

Beautiful wasn't enough to describe this place. They were standing on a hill overlooking a lake. Clear water flowed, and there were candles by the trees surrounding the lake. The moon shone down on the water as well, casting a white glow. Dark green leaves were scattered on the ground, and there was a white blanket draped across a patch of grass by the water. Her eyes shining in the faint light, she turned to face the man by her side, awe-struck. Where were they?

"I used to come here with my parents when I was growing up." He spoke softly, gazing at the lake, his eyes unfocused on the scene before him. She could tell that he was lost in memories, even in the darkness. She felt her lips curl upwards as he broke out in a boyish grin, remembering all the good times he must have had at the lake. She followed his eyes and gazed fondly at the water, unconsciously leaning towards him.

"It's beautiful, Remus." She whispered, closing her eyes. The sound of the water was calming, and there was a light breeze in the air. Everything felt so peaceful; she could almost forget that there was still a war going on. Here, it was just the two of them and nature. No full moon, no war, no death.

"Let's go." Remus' voice interrupted her thoughts and she opened her eyes and looked at him, smiling. He took her hand and led her down towards the lake. She glanced at him as they walked, taking in the wisps of grey hair, the light brown suit, the twinkle in his eyes, the grin on his face…he seemed so perfect at that moment. She couldn't stop smiling, just seeing how happy he was, being here. She followed him to the side of the lake and sat herself down on the blanket, following him with her eyes as he moved to a hollow tree. He returned with a picnic basket and set it down between the two of them.

"I thought you might want something to eat." He glanced down at the basket between them. "It's not much, but I hope that you like it."

"I love it." She whispered, reaching over and pulling him into a hug. There was a fluttery feeling in her stomach as she thought of how he did all this for _her_. He had brought her to this place so special to him, and had gone through all the trouble to put together a picnic. She half-wondered if he chose this night just because the moon was shining beautifully on the water, half-full. No one had ever done this much for her, and it made her feel very special. "Thank you so much."

"It was nothing." He breathed, pulling away and kissing her on her cheek, reaching for the basket. He pulled out two wine glasses and a bottle, setting them carefully on the blanket. Reaching in again, he pulled out a couple of plates and some food, setting them on the blanket as well. When he had finished taking everything out of the basket, he set it aside, handing a plate to her.

They ate in silence, finding comfort in each other's presence. Tonks gazed at the water, aware that she was grinning madly. It seemed that no matter what Remus did, it would bring a smile to her face. He was just so gentlemanly, always acting so chivalrous and kind. He made her feel like she was more than just Nymphadora Tonks, freak and shape-shifting metamorphmagus. He made her feel like she was the luckiest girl in the world, which really, she was. She didn't understand how people could let their fear of werewolves push away someone as perfect as Remus was. She was glad that he loved her, that he was happy with her, because she could never be happier than she was now.

"Dora?" His voice was quiet, and she turned towards him, abandoning her thoughts once more. He was gazing at the water as well, absent-mindedly fingering a loose strand on his suit. She had failed to notice that he had put everything back into the basket except for the unfinished glasses of wine when she was caught up in her thoughts. She moved closer, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Yes, Remus?" She closed her eyes, sighing contentedly as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, bringing her even closer. She wanted to stay here forever, just the two of them, nothing to bother them. They could grow old together, have children and grandchildren, leave the war-torn world they were in… it would be so easy to forget about everything.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." He finally broke the silence. "My life has been filled with so many good and bad moments. I was bitten, my life was horrible. Then I went to Hogwarts, met the Marauders, and everything was perfect again. But then they all were gone, and everything was horrible again. Sirius was back, then gone again. Then you were there, the light in my life, saving me from myself."

He closed his eyes, letting his head rest on top of hers. She shivered lightly and he couldn't resist a smile. "You are everything I could ever want, Dora. Everything that I need. I still can't understand why you want someone like me, but I don't want to question it anymore."

They remained in silence once more, neither willing to break it. She didn't know how long they sat there like that, holding each other, content with the peace. Just as she began to feel drowsy, he suddenly moved away from her and she frowned at the loss of contact, opening her eyes. He was kneeling in front of her, fiddling with an object in his hand.

"Nymphadora Tonks, I love you more than I could ever love anyone else." He whispered, looking her in the eyes. She was overwhelmed by the emotion in them, and she could feel butterflies in her stomach once more. He opened his hand to reveal a ring, holding it out to her. "If you're willing, I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't imagine not having you by my side forever. I love you. Please, Dora, marry me?"

She remained frozen, in shock. It took a while for his words to register in her mind. He loved her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, forever. He wanted to marry her. Be with her. Forever. She looked into his eyes, unable to stop tears from forming in her own.

"R-remus." She stammered, a single tear falling from her eyes. She moved forwards, embracing him fiercely. He hugged her back, waiting to hear the one word that could either break his heart or make his life perfect. She pulled back, looking him in the eyes once more. Her expression was filled with love and adoration, and he smiled at her as she placed her hand in his.

"Yes."

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><p><strong>Please tell me how it was! It's the first time I'm really posting a proposal, and I had no idea how to do it. So I'm sorry if it was completely horrible, because I cannot write proposals for my life! But I tried my best to not make it confusing, or rushed, so please bear with me. Reviews are welcome!<strong>

**BrokenWhispers11**


	7. Irrational

**Hi! I've been busy like always, but I found enough time to write this (pretty long) one shot. I'm still working on RemusNTonks's other requests, and I'll post them when I have the time! Please be patient with me! :D **

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><p><strong>VII. Irrational<strong>

"**Forget this life, come with me. **

**Don't look back you're safe now.**

**Unlock your heart, drop your guard.**

**No one's left to stop you now"**

**Song: Anywhere, by Evanescence**

He swallowed painfully, keeping his head bowed and his eyes fixed on the fading paint of the dark brown table in front of him. He was aware of voices around him; snippets of conversations and even soft, well disguised sobs from other Order members reached his ears. He felt the gaping hole inside of him grow even larger as he watched everyone's pain, knowing that he could have prevented it. Despite the war going on, they shouldn't have had to feel that pain. A few of them were too young to see everyone around them die, but he knew that it was unavoidable. But with just a few more stubborn words, he could have stopped his best friend from making one foolish and deadly mistake and he could have saved everyone this pain.

He didn't want to be here with so many people around. It had taken all his self-restraint to keep himself from locking himself into his room and giving into his grief. Sirius was gone and it was hard to hold it together in front of so many people. He wanted to disappear, to lock himself up, hurt himself, kill himself… he wasn't thinking very rationally, and he knew that once got over the initial shock, all these irrational thoughts would go away. But the pain was different, and he didn't think that it would fade away as easily. He felt so alone, and he truly believed that he was meant to be alone. Why else did fate take the people whom he cared about? He _wanted_ to be alone, because it would make it so much easier to deal with this. He could let loose his emotions and abandon his facade, something that he couldn't do now. Not with everyone here with him.

He watched as a white plate was set down in front of him by Molly Weasley, and he closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. He couldn't take it, couldn't stomach the thought of performing daily actions that Sirius had once done. Eating, sleeping, drinking… his insides churned at the thoughts. Why was he the only one to feel this way? Everyone else at the table had managed to successfully hide their emotions, so why couldn't he? He clenched and unclenched his fingers, trying to distract himself from the feeling of sickness that was taking over him. He wished that he had had the strength to say no to Dumbledore's orders to stay at Grimmauld Place, but he had nowhere else to go. He had tried to make it through the rest of the day without losing control, without giving into the pain, but it was all too much now. He could hear the small, sympathetic whispers around him and that only made everything even worse. He didn't need their pity or their sympathy.

"I'm sorry, I'm not very hungry." He muttered quickly, jumping up from his chair and pushing it back. He ignored Mrs. Weasley's feeble protest, making his way quickly towards the door. "I think I'll head to bed."

His hands clutched his stomach as emotion overwhelmed him, feeling like he was going to retch. He stumbled up the stairs, his vision beginning to blur, instinctively seeking out Sirius' room, not caring that it would only make it feel worse. He flung open the door and closed it quickly, making sure to lock it and set silencing spells. He collapsed on the bed, closing his eyes, letting the tears finally fall. Why did he have to suffer so much? Everyone he had loved, everyone that he had really cared for had left him so alone, and he wanted to scream at them to come back. The Marauders had been so strong, a team… they were inseparable, immortal. At least, that's what it had seemed like when he had been with them. Nothing could go wrong, even though Voldemort was wreaking havoc upon the world. But then Peter had ruined his perfect world. Yes, he hadn't had a job, but he had his friends and that was enough for him. But that one cowardly little boy had given into the fear and betrayed his friends. James and Lily, who had always been nice to him… they trusted the rat. Sirius trusted him, _he_ trusted him. But what was the point? Peter had betrayed their trust for his own selfish reasons.

He had been so alone after that day, that day when he had lost four of his best friends at once. He had cried himself to sleep countless times after that and learnt over time to keep his emotions inside. And then, then Sirius, who he had thought was the real murderer was innocent and Peter the betrayer. And then Peter was still alive and Sirius was dead inside. It had become so confusing after that, but he had been happy again, knowing that he had one of his best friends back.

Sirius hadn't thought about anything when he left. The only thing in his mind was Harry. So like James, in looks, in behavior… in almost everything. But he hadn't once thought of him, Remus Lupin. Moony was forgotten, only Harry. If he had remembered his friend, Sirius would have stayed back for the sake of saving Harry _and_ Remus the pain that they were both suffering from. But instead, he only saw that his best friend's son was in danger, never thinking about how his possible death would affect his forgotten friend. The tears fell faster as Remus thought of this, and he didn't bother to wipe them away. None of them had ever thought how their absence would affect Moony. Peter could have cared less, and James and Lily, their last thoughts would have been of each other and Harry. Never him. They had had each other, but even then, he was more alone than ever.

He sat up and wiped away the tears angrily, mentally berating himself for thinking like that. Their last thoughts should _not_ have ever been of him. They should have been of each other, of Harry, of Sirius, but never him. He didn't want their last thoughts to have been of him. And the only reason he had felt alone was because they had suspected him of being the traitor. Sirius, he had definitely cared about Remus, not more than Harry, but still the friendship was there.

He was stupid to think like that. He was still being totally and completely irrational. His friends, with the exception of Peter, really had cared about him. But now, it hurt so much to even think about them. They were gone, the famous Marauders broken, but together, living in separate worlds. Sirius and James together somewhere in the heavens and he and Peter on Earth, still separated because of Peter's stupidity and cowardice. The rat didn't even deserve to be called a Marauder anymore. He had betrayed his friends' trust, bringing them all to destruction.

He didn't want to trust anymore, not when everyone he trusted ended up dead. He didn't care how stupid he was being. It was true. Everyone that he let inside left him, and he was tired of hurting. He didn't deserve to suffer like this, just because he was a werewolf. Maybe he did, but he didn't want to suffer. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was more afraid now than he ever was in his life. Not of Voldemort, or death. He was afraid that everyone around him would die, everyone who cared about him the slightest bit. Just the thought of never seeing Harry's face smiling again, of never seeing the Weasley's together as a family again, of never seeing Nymphadora laughing, her eyes sparkling…

Tonks. He buried his face in his hands. Bellatrix had almost killed her too. He had seen her fall, seen her lie almost lifeless. And he had been powerless to help her, just as he had been unable to help Sirius. She was in St. Mungo's right now… he knew he ought to have visited her but he couldn't bring himself to go. It wasn't that he blamed her for Sirius' death. Bellatrix was a powerful opponent, and she was even more dangerous to Nymphadora because they were related. It was more that she reminded him of Sirius so much, and he didn't know if he could handle seeing her. He was being selfish, he knew, but he was hurting. He would see her when she came back. He had heard from Molly that she would be out in a week. He hoped more than anything else that she was okay. If she wasn't, he would never forgive himself. He leaned back and closed his eyes, letting himself drift off to sleep.

He could hear quiet voices outside Sirius' door and he sighed softly, gazing at the ceiling. They were talking about him, he knew, and he felt slightly guilty. It had been a week since the night Sirius had died, and he hadn't emerged from his friend's room. His silencing charms had long since worn out. Everyone else was worried about him, but he didn't want them to worry about him. He was fine, really. He just needed some time. He focused on their voices trying to hear what they were saying.

_"He hasn't been out of that room since that day at dinner, Arthur. I'm worried. He hasn't had anything to eat, anything to drink! He'll starve himself to death!" _That was Molly. He knew that he should have at least emerged from the room once, but he didn't want to see them pitying him. She had left plates of food outside the door, and had even tried to persuade him to come out more than once. But he still couldn't face the thought of doing things that Sirius had once done. He couldn't pretend like everything was going to be ok in front of everyone. He hadn't been very hungry anyways.

_"Just give him some time, Molly. He's lost the last of his best friends. How do you expect him to feel? Remus will make it through. This is just his way of coping. We need to leave him be. He'll show himself when he's ready."_ He silently thanked Arthur for understanding. Couldn't they all see that he wanted to be alone?

_"But Nymphadora has been so miserable as well, always blaming herself for Sirius' death. It's hit her so hard, poor thing. She won't listen to any of us when we try and tell her the opposite. I'm worried about both of them, Arthur, and I wish that we could help them." _Molly sounded close to tears and it made him feel even guiltier. She shouldn't have worried about him, but he couldn't blame her for worrying about Tonks. Of course she would be hit hard by Sirius' death; he was her cousin, the only relative of hers who understood what it was like to fight against the rest of the Blacks. She shouldn't have blamed herself for Sirius' death though. It was never her fault.

_"We'll ask Remus to talk to her when he's ready, but for now, we should let him rest. We're probably disturbing him. Let's go Molly."_ The couple left, leaving Remus alone again. He closed his eyes, his thoughts lingering on Nymphadora once more. He couldn't deny that he was worried about her. She shouldn't have had to feel as miserable as he did. She should have been laughing like she used to, smiling that breathtaking smile that lit up the room every time she walked in, not hollow and dead inside like he was. He had the sudden urge to leave Sirius' room and seek her out, hug her, and tell her that it was never her fault. That Sirius had cared about her a lot, that _he_ cared about her a lot, that he lov-

_You're being irrational again_, he told himself, cutting off his thoughts before they could go into dangerous territory. He did _not_ love her. Yes, he liked her as a friend, but he did not love her, right? Just friendship, nothing more. There could never be anything more. He was a werewolf, and he was dangerous. Too old, too poor, too dangerous. She could never want him anyways. No one could ever want him. He was too old and worn for anybody to love. He repeated these thoughts to himself, trying to make himself believe that he could never love Nymphadora Tonks.

He wanted to be able to look at someone the way James looked at Lily though. No, he wanted to be able to look at _her_ the way James looked at Lily. James and Lily had truly been in love; it was a powerful feeling to see the two of them together. He had always felt like he was intruding on some private moment when they looked at each other like that. He had tried to bury that longing for someone, someone whom he could share those private looks with, for so long. But now, that old part of him was awakening. Now, he had a face and a name to the person, and he was more afraid than ever.

_You don't love her, Moony, you're just fooling yourself_. He closed his eyes and tried unsuccessfully to push thoughts of her away again. He had spent too much time thinking about her and the way she walked, the way she smiled… this was getting too repetitive. He was obsessing himself with someone thirteen years younger than him. It was wrong to even pretend that he had feelings for her. She was too young and beautiful to be tied down to something like him. And she was Sirius' cousin, which made her even more off limits to him. Werewolves weren't meant to love. Weren't his friends' deaths proof enough of that?

James, Lily, Sirius, Peter… they were all gone. Peter was as good as dead to him, and as much as he hated to admit it, he had once cared about the coward. And he had cared for James, Sirius, and Lily so much as well. They had given him the best years of his life, but they had left him. He couldn't bear the thought of allowing himself to love Dora, and then watching her leave him after she realized what a monster he was, or leaving him like Sirius did. Fighting a hero's battle, dying a hero's death. He swallowed painfully, holding back the tears. He would not allow her to follow Sirius. He couldn't lose her to death, not now, not ever, because he loved her.

He opened the door and quietly stepped out, closing it softly behind him. He could hear the faint hum of voices coming from the kitchen and resisted the urge to turn back and lock himself in Sirius' room again. He couldn't lock himself away in there forever, no matter how much he wanted to. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing that there was a possibility that he would have to face Tonks as well. _You have to talk to her sooner or later._ He hesitated for one more moment, picturing her. Would she be angry? Would she be sad? Would she be…happy when she saw him? He sighed softly, opening his eyes and making his way down the stairs.

The chatter came to a stop as he entered the dining room, pausing at the doorway and looking around. Tonks and the Weasley's were there; only Percy, Ginny, and Ron were missing, as the first was Fudge's puppet, and the last two were still at Hogwarts. Even Charlie, who had been in Romania the last time he had checked, was there, watching him. They were all watching him, concern evident in their expressions. He looked towards Tonks, his gaze lingering on her for a moment before looking back at Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Clearing his throat, he forced a smile, hoping that it seemed convincing enough."May I join you?"

They stared at him for what seemed like an eternity, but was really only a few seconds. Molly quickly jumped up, smiling brightly at him, and summoned extra dishes for him, setting them down next to Tonks. "Of course, dear. Have a seat next to Nymphadora over there."

He smiled faintly as Tonks narrowed her eyes at Molly and muttered "Don't call me Nymphadora", her hair turning slightly red. He smiled and moved towards the table, sitting down next to her. Food was set on the plate before him and he smiled appreciatively at Mrs. Weasley. His gaze turned to his plate, and he swallowed hard, forcing his feeling of sickness down. He couldn't keep on doing this. He couldn't keep on pushing everything that reminded him of his best friend away. He lifted his gaze once more to see Tonks looking at him sadly, her hair a dull brown again. When the Weasleys had focused their attention on one of Arthur's stories, she leaned closer to him, whispering. "Are you ok?"

Was he ok? _No_, he thought, but he couldn't bring himself to say no. He wasn't okay, but he didn't want her to worry about him. She already seemed to have enough to deal with, and he didn't want to add his problems to hers. "I'm fine."

She frowned at him, and he looked back at his plate. She reminded him so much of Sirius, the way she looked at him like that. She could see past his facade, could see that he really wasn't okay. Why did she have to look at him like that? It only made it harder to bear the loss of his friend, knowing that she could break down the walls around his heart, just like the Marauders had. He could see his vision start to blur, tears threatening to fall. He was stronger than this. He wouldn't cry in front of everyone. If he could just eat, hold on until the end of dinner…

A warm hand on his startled him, and he looked up to see Tonks watching him, concerned. He felt his face start to turn red as she looked straight into his eyes, an intense emotion in hers. "It will get better, Remus."

He wanted to believe her, he truly did. But he couldn't, not when he had just witnessed his last friend die. It seemed that no matter where he went or what he did, his thoughts were filled with Sirius. It had been the same way when Lily and James had died, and even when Peter had faked his death. Without his friends, he realized, he was nothing. He was just a broken, lost, old werewolf. The Marauder inside of him died with Sirius, and he would never get that part of himself back.

"No, Nymphadora. You're wrong, because I know it won't" He replied quietly, finally picking up his spoon and starting to eat. He could feel her eyes on him for a moment before she released his hand and turned back to her plate. He picked at his food, listening to the voices around him.

"The kids will be home in a few days, and I'm worried about Harry. He shouldn't have to go to that house, Arthur! Those muggles will starve him, and that's the last thing he needs after Sirius' death." Molly whispered, thinking that Remus couldn't hear, but he did. He focused more intently on his food, trying to block out her voice. Here he was, being so selfish, grieving as if he was the only one in the world who ever cared about Sirius. But Harry had lost Sirius, James, and Lily too. He lost them all so young, and was new to the pain of losing the ones he loved. And to make it worse, the boy had to stay with the Dursleys. Those muggles would make his life even more miserable. What right did he, Remus Lupin, have to act like this? His pain was nothing compared to Harry's. He deserved to feel it, but not Harry. He hadn't even really thought about Harry since they had returned from the Department of Mysteries, only thinking about himself. How could he have been so selfish?

"Remus." He was distracted from his thoughts by a familiar voice. He looked up. Arthur Weasley stood next to his chair, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Molly and I have decided to talk to Harry's relatives at Kings Cross Station when the train comes in. We want to make sure that Harry is treated alright. Would you like to come with us?"

Remus stared at him, unsure. Would Harry even want to see him at Kings Cross? He had held him back from Sirius, had stopped him. Did he hate him? What if he never wanted to speak to him again? He hadn't even made an effort to try and owl Harry, wallowing in his own misery. It would be better if he stayed away, wouldn't it? But then, Harry had lost the people he cared the most about. James, Lily, and Sirius were gone now, and they would have wanted him to keep an eye on Harry. To watch over him, be there for him. He owed at least that much to them. If Harry didn't want to see him, then he would let go, but if there was the smallest chance that his friend's son didn't hate him…

"Of course." He responded quietly. Arthur smiled sadly at him, and he turned away, not wanting to be pitied.

"I want to come too." Tonks spoke up, looking at Arthur and Molly. "I want to come to Kings Cross too."

"Of course dear." Molly reassured her, getting up from her seat and starting to clear away the dishes. "We should invite Mad-Eye as well. What do you think Nymphadora?"

"It's Tonks." She muttered quietly, so quietly that only Remus heard her. She stood up from her seat and smiled at Molly. He could tell that it was forced. "Yes, we should invite him as well. I'll send him a Patronus later."

She excused herself from the table and exited the room, going up the stairs. He gazed after her, knowing that look on her face. It had nothing to do with the fact that Molly had wanted to invite Mad-Eye or that she had been called Nymphadora. She had come to some realization during dinner, and whatever it was, she wasn't taking it very well. He quickly excused himself as well and rushed after her, concerned. She couldn't have still been blaming herself for Sirius' death, could she? It had been over a week since Sirius' death, and he had thought she must have realized that it really wasn't her fault that her cousin was dead. Maybe he had been wrong. Whatever it was, he was concerned, because it pained him to see her like that. Empty, lifeless… almost like him. He shuddered and reached her door, knocking quietly. When he received only silence in return, he twisted the handle and opened the door, stepping inside.

It was dark inside, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust. When he could finally see around him, his gaze was drawn to a figure sitting in the corner of the bed. "Nymphadora."

Her arms were locked around her knees, and he could hear her take deep breaths. At the sound of his voice, she lifted her head from her arms and looked up at him, her eyes unfocused in the darkness. "Remus?"

He moved towards the bed, lighting up a lamp on the way. It cast a dim glow around the room, and it lit up her face. Her skin was pale and her eyes were filled with sadness. He frowned, taking a seat next to her on the bed. "What's wrong Nymphadora?"

She shook her head, turning her face away from him. He reached for her but she moved away from his touch. He frowned once more, reaching for her again and gripping her arm tightly, unwilling to let her pull away. She looked up at him, startled, and he loosened his grip. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing" He could hear the exhaustion in her voice. He understood how hard Sirius' death must have been on her. He understood how emotionally exhausted she felt. And knowing her, she wouldn't want him to know that she was feeling guilty about Sirius' death. If that was what this was all about…

"I heard from Molly that you're feeling guilty about Sirius' death. You have to know that it's not your fault. Sirius knew the risk." He spoke gently, grasping her hand in his. She dropped her gaze to the floor, and he could see her face start to flush red.

"I-it's not that." She whispered, closing her eyes. "I still think that he would be here if I hadn't lost to Bellatrix, but it's not that."

"Then what is it?" He was confused. He had thought that she had still been blaming herself. He sighed, wanting her to just come out and say what was wrong. Didn't she know that she could tell him anything? That he understood how she felt?

"You'll think I'm stupid."

"I could think no less of you than I do now, and I don't think you're stupid at all." He replied, tilting her face towards his. "I won't judge you, I just want to help. What's wrong?"

She opened her eyes, her dark brown eyes meeting his. "I know that I'm probably being irrational, but I feel like… like you hate me."

His hand fell away from her face and he looked at her, astonished. How had she managed to come to that conclusion? He most definitely did not hate her. How could he? In fact, he almost loved her. No, he did love her, even though he wished that he didn't. He remained silent, unsure what to say to her.

"It's just that you always look uncomfortable whenever I enter a room, and I feel like you've been locking yourself up in Sirius' room to avoid me. And at dinner, you almost sounded angry at me, and I guess I just let it get to my head, and…" She explained hurriedly, looking down at their intertwined hands.

"You're wrong." He interrupted, dropping his gaze to their hands as well. "I could never hate you, and I haven't been avoiding you. I just wasn't ready to face everyone yet. Everyone that I have ever cared about has left me, and I just needed some time to get used to everything again. It's not you."

"Oh." Her voice was small, and her face flushed an even deeper shade of red. He smiled at her, pushing a loose strand of hair away from her face. She lifted her eyes until she met his gaze, a look that he knew only too well in her eyes.

"Nymphadora…" he started, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Please… please don't…"

He trailed off, suddenly unable to form coherent sentences. He took a deep breath and gathered his resolve, letting his hand fall away from her face. He started to move away when she reached out, clinging onto him.

"Why?" Her voice broke, and the emotion in it overwhelmed him. He felt his head spin as she sat there, looking at him earnestly, waiting for him to answer. He fiddled with the corner of her bed sheet, trying to figure out what to do. He wanted to leave more than anything, forget that anything ever happened. But she deserved to know why, didn't she? He loved her; he could at least give her that much.

"I'm too old for you. You deserve someone younger, someone who will be able to make you feel much happier than I could ever make you feel." He whispered, tracing invisible patterns on the fabric. "I have almost nothing, and you deserve more than that. I don't even have a job; I could never afford to take you out to places. I would be dumping all my troubles on you, and I can't… I can't do that to you."

She started to protest, but he held up a hand, signaling her to let him continue. "I know that these things won't matter to you at all; you're not the type of person who would care for a gift more than the man who gave it to you. I know that you don't care that I am thirteen years older than you. But _I _care. I can't do this to you.

"After this war is over, you'll realize that someone more worthy is out there. You'll still have a long life ahead of you, and you'll have your friends and family to live for. But for me, when this war is over, I'll have nothing left to live for. I'm fighting this war for everyone who has left me… and when it's over, I'll be nothing more than just another werewolf. And if I know you, you'll be the top most Auror in the Ministry. I might not even survive, but I know you will. You'll see."

The sadness in his tone made her want to cry. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to degrade himself like that? Make himself think that he was nothing? He couldn't see that he was perfect to her, that she truly loved him. She didn't just fancy him. He was everything to her. Couldn't he see that?

"You're wrong." He voice shook and she gripped his robes tightly, unconsciously leaning closer. "I know that you've been dealt a rough hand in life, Remus, but you will never be just a werewolf. You're blinded by prejudices; you are more than you make yourself out to be. I would be the lucky one to have you by my side. You're my reason to fight now, Remus, my strength. I love you, and that's not ever going to change."

"Nymphadora, please…" he covered her hands with his, prying her hands away from his robes. "I'm a werewolf. I could hurt you, kill you even. Trust me when I say that you mean too much to me. I can't let you throw away your life like that. My kind isn't meant to find happiness. My feelings for you are insignificant compared to the damage I could do to you."

"You're afraid." She couldn't stop her voice from shaking. "These are all just excuses, and you know it. The real reason is because you're afraid! Afraid that I'll leave you, like the other Marauders did. Afraid that I'll turn my back on you, that I'll leave once I realize that you're not perfect. I'm not asking for perfection, I'm asking for you!"

She was faintly aware that she was almost shouting now, but she couldn't care less at the moment. "Don't be afraid, Remus. I don't want to hurt you, I just want to be by your side, be there for you. Please, if you care for me at all, don't give into the fear."

Her voice was now a whisper again and she withdrew her hand from his. He stared at her shocked. He didn't understand how she could tell exactly how he was feeling._ "I love you, and that's never going to change."_

"I-"

"It's alright, I know what you're going to say." She interrupted him, the sadness in her voice breaking his heart. "I'm not going to give up on you."

She leaned forward and kissed him softly, taking him by surprise. Before he could pull away and protest, she ended it, making her way to the door. At the doorway, she paused for a moment before turning back to face him.

"You don't have to be alone forever. I'll always be there for you." She smiled sadly at him before turning and leaving him alone in the darkness.

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><p><strong>How was it? I kind of like it, though I feel like it might be really sappy or something, but if you like it then I'm good :) Can't say when I'm going to update again, but a nice, encouraging review might help! :D lol. tell me what you think!<strong>

**BrokenWhispers11**


	8. Always

**Hey! Sorry for taking a while to update! Again, to RemusNTonk's I might take a while to post, but I have _not_ forgotten about your requests :D A warning to readers, part of this is a bit OOC, and it sort of has to do with the nature of the song used. Not everything follows the song word for word, though. Anyways, hope you enjoy! (I was actually thinking about posting it on April Fool's Day, but I decided I would be nice and post it today instead :D)**

**Of course, like usual I own nothing, except for my writing. J.K. Rowling owns the characters, setting, etc. :D[I realized I forgot to put disclaimers in one or two chapters, so this applies for those too!]**

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><p><strong>VIII. Always<strong>

**Song: Breathe No More, by Evanescence**

**I've been looking in the mirror for so long.**

**That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.**

She let the tears fall from her eyes and drop into the basin of the sink, softly whispering a spell to lock the door to the bathroom. She kept her eyes closed for a moment, taking deep breaths, feeling her body shake with the pain and sorrow that she had repressed for so long. Knowing that when she opened her eyes again, she would come face to face with her natural reflection, all traces of morphing gone, she took one last deep breath before opening her eyes.

Her eyes met a hollow, lifeless reflection. She drew in a sharp breath, resisting the urge to close her eyes again. Instead, she let them take in the pale skin, the dark brown eyes, and the mousy brown hair. Her clothes hung loosely on her frame, and she looked emaciated. It was not surprising that everyone in the Order seemed so concerned about her lately. She smiled wryly at her reflection, laughing bitterly at herself. Was this what she had been reduced to? A lifeless, broken, depressed girl, unable to morph? She could see all her imperfections, and she hated it. Closing her eyes tightly, she focused on that part of her that allowed her to change her features, the part that made her a metamorphmagus. Willing desperately for some part of her to change, whether it was her hair or eye color, or the paleness of her skin, she concentrated intently on changing one of her features. Feeling no change whatsoever, she sighed, preparing herself for disappointment.

Sure enough, when she opened her eyes, she met the same hollow reflection that she had seen before. Crying out in frustration, she raised her fist, connecting it with the glass surface of the mirror. She sank to the ground, hardly aware of the mirror shattering, shards of glass surrounding her. Sobs racked her body as she locked her hands around her knees, her head buried in her arms. She let the tears flow, knowing that she wouldn't ever be good enough for him, not like this. Ugly, broken, depressed… there was no way he could ever want her now. She was hardly aware of the pain that filled her hand, her thoughts only filled with him, the man who had caused her to become an empty shell. The man who had rejected her love and left her broken. Remus Lupin.

**All the little pieces falling, shatter.  
>Shards of me,<br>Too sharp to put back together.  
>Too small to matter,<br>But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
>If I try to touch her,<strong>

**And I bleed,  
>I bleed,<br>And I breathe,  
>I breathe no more.<br>**

"Nymphadora?"

Tonks looked up from the table to see Molly Weasley enter the kitchen of the Burrow, a worried expression on her face. Offering the motherly witch a sad smile, she pulled out a chair for and let her sit down. She was really in no mood to talk at the moment, but she knew that at least Molly would understand how she felt. Molly wouldn't judge her like her own mother would. She knew Remus and wouldn't judge him for being a werewolf or judge her for loving him. Sighing, she looked at Molly. "Couldn't sleep?"

Mrs. Weasley shook her head, her gaze wandering to the clock in the washing basket. Tonks followed her gaze, noticing that all the hands were pointing to "mortal peril". It made sense, considering the fact that wartime meant danger for everyone. And being blood-traitors, the Weasleys were especially in danger. Not to mention that they would soon have 'The Chosen One' under their wing as well. She gave Molly a look of sympathy, knowing how it felt to not know if the man she loved was safe or not, alive or dead. Turning her gaze back to Tonks, Molly offered a small smile.

"Arthur will be back soon anyways, and Albus should be bringing Harry in the morning. I'm just worrying needlessly. Would you like a cup of tea?" At Tonks' nod of her head, Mrs. Weasley stood from her chair and made two cups of tea, placing one cup in front of Tonks before sitting down and wrapping her hands around the other one.

"I don't blame you for worrying, Molly. It's war, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't worried myself." Tonks took a sip of her tea, letting the hot liquid burn down the back of her throat. She lowered her eyes to the table, her thoughts wandering to Remus. What was he doing right now? Was he okay? Was he hurt? Was he still… alive? She shuddered at the thought, pushing it away. He was fine. He said he would be fine, and he was strong. He would be back before she knew it, and everything would be okay. Well, almost everything.

"This is about Remus, isn't it?" Molly's voice startled her from her thoughts, and she felt her face turn dark red. She had planned on telling Molly eventually, but had the woman known all along? Reluctantly, she nodded, lifting her gaze to meet Molly's eyes.

"You don't think that I'm stupid for falling in love during a war, do you?" She asked quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer. Molly shook her head, smiling kindly at Tonks.

"I fell in love during the first war, Nymphadora. You're talking to the wrong person about not falling in love during wartime. You're not stupid for falling in love during a war. We need love to make it through this. We need to hold on to what happiness we can or we can never win."

"You're right." Tonks agreed, lowering her gaze to the table once more. "I need this happiness, and this is about Remus."

"I thought so." Mrs. Weasley smiled knowingly at her and placed a hand on hers. "Tell me what happened."

Heaving a sigh, Tonks gathered her thoughts, trying to figure out the best way to tell Molly. Should she start from the beginning? Or should she just skip to the part where he rejected her? Her indecision must have shown on her face because Mrs. Weasley placed a hand on hers, squeezing it lightly. "Just start from the beginning."

Tonks nodded, clasping her hands together in her lap. "I suppose I liked him the moment I met him. He was the only one who bothered to help me up after I tripped over that dratted umbrella stand at Grimmauld. I thought that we would just be friends, nothing more.

"When he told me that he was a werewolf, I almost couldn't believe him. I mean, he's so gentle and calm all the time, and he's very thoughtful and sweet. I suppose that he half expected me to run out of the room screaming, because he just got up and left and avoided me for a while after that. One day, I managed to corner him, and I told him that I didn't care. He thought that I was joking, and when I told him that I wasn't, he looked happier than I had ever seen him. I guess not a lot of people had really accepted him like that, without a question. It made me glad to know that I could do that to Remus, who always looks like he's bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. From that day on, I knew that I wanted to be the one to make him smile."

Molly smiled even more, and Tonks began to let go of the fear of being judged by her, the words coming out easily now. "After Sirius' death, he was so broken. I couldn't stand seeing him like that, and it was then that I realized that I loved him. I didn't plan to tell him, but a couple of weeks ago, it slipped out. I told him, but he just told me that he was 'too old, too poor, and too dangerous' for me and left. I didn't even get a chance to see him before he went to infiltrate Greyback's pack."

She raised a hand to her face to wipe away the tears that were forming. Molly gave her a sympathetic look and tried to comfort her. "You know that he doesn't really mean that, Nymphadora. He's just afraid. Everyone that he has ever loved has left him, and you mean a great deal to him now. He doesn't want to lose you. He's afraid that he will end up hurting you."

"I understand that Remus has suffered a lot of pain, but I want to help him. How can I help him if he won't let me inside? He won't see that he's hurting me anyways by doing this. I can't morph, Molly, and I just can't help but feel like the world has gone grey ever since he left. He thinks that he's protecting me, but instead, he's tearing me apart."

Mrs. Weasley was about to say something when they heard three knocks on the door. Frowning, Mrs. Weasley took a glance at the clock, but all hands were still pointed to "mortal peril". Nervously rising, she moved towards the kitchen window. Tonks faintly heard her ask who was there, and then exclaim in surprise. The door opened to reveal Dumbledore and Harry, who had apparently arrived early. After a couple of minutes of conversation, she heard Dumbledore greet her.

"_Hello, Professor. Wotcher, Harry."_ She forced a smile on her face, not wanting either of the two to notice that something was wrong with her. However, she had a feeling that both could see through it. Quickly, she stood up and wrapped her cloak around her shoulders. _"I'd better be off. Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."_

"_Please don't leave on my account. I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."_ Dumbledore said kindly, his eyes twinkling at her.

"_No, no, I need to get going."_ She avoided his gaze, not willing to let him see how much his decision to send Remus to the underground hurt her. _"'Night"_

"_Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming −?"_Mrs. Weasley asked, a hopeful look in her eyes. Tonks hesitated for a moment, but decided against coming. She didn't want to face Remus again, not yet. He would just end up hurting her even more.

"_No, really, Molly…thanks anyway…Good night, everyone."_ Without waiting for a reply, she rushed past Dumbledore and Harry and disapparated, catching Molly's worried expression before she reappeared outside her flat.

**Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.  
>Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.<strong>

**Lie to me,  
>Convince me that I've been sick forever.<br>And all of this,  
>Will make sense when I get better.<br>But I know the difference,  
>Between myself and my reflection.<br>I just can't help but to wonder,  
>Which of us do you love.<strong>

The snow fell slowly from the sky, resting on her hair and piling up on the ground. The muggles that filled the streets of London were wrapped up in many layers and were cheerful. Self-consciously, she wrapped the thin cloak that had once belonged to Remus around her shoulders, suddenly aware of the cold. She wished that she could have been as cheerful as the muggles were on Christmas day, but she couldn't. This Christmas, she couldn't face the thought of being happy.

Christmas was supposed to be a day spent with friends and loved ones. It was a day of warmth in December, a day full of joy and cheerfulness. It was supposed to be filled with magic, a different kind of magic than the one associated with wizards and witches. But this Christmas, there was no joy or cheerfulness for her. There were no friends or loved ones to surround her and lift her spirits up. There was no magic. She sighed, looking longingly at the happiness in the people around her. Didn't she deserve that happiness? Especially on Christmas day? Shaking her head to dispel the thoughts from her mind, she moved into an alleyway and apparated outside her flat.

She froze as her gaze came to rest on a figure huddled in a thin cloak, their back against the wall next to her door. Frowning, she took a cautious step towards the person, her wand in her hand. As she neared the figure, she let out an audible gasp, recognizing the sandy brown hair flecked with gray and the tattered cloak. Rushing to the figure, she kneeled down, shaking him lightly.

"Remus." Her voice came out in a frantic whisper. "Remus!"

She felt him shift beneath her hands and he let out a small groan, opening his eyes, a weary look in them. She frowned at the fresh scars that marked his face, reluctantly releasing his shoulders. He coughed violently into the crook of his arm, making her frown even more in concern. He lifted his face to meet her eyes, smiling gently at her."Nymphadora."

"What are you doing here, Remus?" She asked softly, standing up and grasping his hand. Helping him up, she unlocked her door and pulled him inside, closing it behind her. Turning around to face him, she steered him towards the couch and summoned a cup of hot chocolate, placing it in his ice cold hands. He gazed warmly at her in thanks and she took a seat next to him, waiting for an answer.

"I thought… I heard you were spending today alone from Molly. I just thought that no one should have to spend Christmas day alone." He smiled sheepishly at her, and without thinking, she leaned closer, wrapping her arms around him.

"Thanks for coming Remus." She pulled back, standing and walking into a separate room, emerging a few minutes later with something behind her back.

"I wasn't sure if I was going to see you today, but I bought you something anyways, just in case. You don't have to open it now, though." She held out her hands, a badly wrapped present sitting in her hands. She looked embarrassed at the wrapping, avoiding his gaze. Setting his mug down, he rose to his feet as well, moving towards her.

"Thank you, Nymphadora. It's wonderful." His words were sincere, and she met his eyes, knowing that the state of the wrapping didn't bother him in the least. He hesitantly accepted it, shrinking it and placing it inside a pocket. Now, it was his turn to look away in embarrassment.

"I…I'm sorry. I haven't been able to get away from the pack lately. I would have gotten you a present if I could." He spoke softly, feeling horrible, his voice dropping to a whisper. The words were so soft that she could barely hear them. "And if I had the money too…"

"Remus, it's all right." She placed a hand on the side of his face, forcing him to meet her gaze. "You came here to make sure that I didn't spend Christmas alone, and you're safe and sound. That is the best present I could ever ask for, Remus, and you've given it to me."

The smile made its way back onto his face, making her feel warm and comfortable. She meant what she said. Remus being there with her was the only thing she wanted that Christmas. She didn't care that she was hurting because of his rejection. She just needed him there, by her side. She wrapped her arms around him in an embrace, resting her head on his shoulder, allowing herself to fantasize of what could have been. Of what would have happened if he had accepted her feelings.

"I love you." She whispered, her voice sweet but broken. He frowned, grasping her hands and releasing her hold on him, gently pushing her away. She stepped back with a look of hurt and sadness.

"Dora, you know that I can't… that we can't do this." He took a step back, attempting to put distance between them. He hated doing this to her, hurting her like this, but couldn't she see that it was for her own good? He could see the tears well up in her eyes and almost felt his resolve crumble when a single tear fell to the ground.

"Why?" Her voice shook with emotion, and she took a step towards him. "Don't give me your excuses, Remus. I'm sick and tired of hearing them. Tell me the real reason why you won't accept me. Why you won't love me."

"Dora, you know that loving you was never the problem." He told her, inching slowly towards the door. "But you'll be much happier without me, trust me. Werewolves aren't meant to find love, least of all me. Please, find happiness elsewhere."

"I can't morph, Remus. I can't morph, and I can't even pretend that I'm happy. Every day, I wake up wanting to disappear because I know that you will still reject me, and I'll still be alone. I can't go on living this way, Remus. Please!"

He shook his head, reaching for the door handle. "I'm sorry, Dora."

"Stop running away, Remus. Please." She pleaded, her vision blurred.

He opened the door and left, softly wishing her a Merry Christmas before disapparating. She collapsed on the couch, wrapping her arms around herself and letting the tears fall. Why wasn't she good enough for him? Why couldn't he love her? He had shattered her heart once again, killing whatever little happiness she had found that Christmas. She closed her eyes, drowning in memories until she fell into a fitful sleep.

**So I bleed,  
>I bleed,<br>And I breathe,  
>I breathe no...<br>Bleed,  
>I bleed,<br>And I breathe,  
>I breathe,<br>I breathe-  
>I breathe no more.<strong>

**(Warning: This is the OOC part, and I think that this part is rated T, so please read carefully. Nothing gory or disgusting, but still.)**

She leaned against the wall, her face pale and her eyes wide, glancing towards the door. She could turn back now, before she regretted it or someone walked in. But she didn't want to feel the pain anymore. She wanted a distraction, something to keep her mind off of Dumbledore's death, Bill's condition, the war… and Remus. Waving her wand at the door, she locked it, closing her eyes.

She hadn't lost her mind. She wasn't insane. But she needed to do this, because it was all too much now. Her tears had been spent, and she had exhausted her voice, screaming and shouting even though no one could hear her. Yet it had done nothing to distract her from the pain that was taking over her, and her control was slipping. She had spent hours secluded in this classroom, away from everyone else. Not to her surprise, it was the DADA room, but she found that she could have cared less. Sighing, she opened her eyes and gave one last glance at the door, assuring herself that it was locked. She had made up her mind.

Her hand reached for a shard of glass next to her, underneath a broken window, its edge biting into her skin. She focused on the physical pain it caused her, her mind no longer focusing on the emotional pain. Taking a deep breath, she slowly dragged it up her arm, her eyes watching as it scratched her pale skin. Unconsciously, she pressed down a little harder, a pained smile making its way onto her face. Of course she wouldn't be good enough for Remus. How could he want her when she was acting so irrationally? Hurting herself, just to distract herself from the pain that he had caused her… but it felt right, even though it was wrong. It felt like it was the only escape, because she couldn't run away from this war or the Order. She couldn't run away from her feelings, her pain. This was the only thing that felt real that night. Dumbledore couldn't have died, Remus didn't reject her, and Bill was alright and not scarred for life. It was all just some alternate reality, now. She looked down at her arm, her eyes filled with sadness. The crimson color of her blood contrasted the paleness of her skin, and she felt numb inside. A year ago, she would have never dreamed of doing this, but now, nothing was impossible.

She had thought that Dumbledore could never die, but she had been wrong. She had thought that Snape would never be the one to kill him, but she was wrong. She had thought that Bill, who had been in Hogwarts while she was there, would never be mauled by Greyback. Once again, she was wrong. And now, this. Inflicting pain on herself. Nothing was impossible.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she failed to hear her name being called through the other side of the door. Whoever it was only caught her attention when they blasted the door down, their gaze immediately drawn to her arm. She glanced into the eyes of Remus Lupin, her own widening in fear. She quickly hid her arm from view, dropping the shard of glass to the floor.

"Nymphadora." He whispered, shocked. He frowned, walking towards her, his eyes filled with worry. Had he… had he caused this? Tears stung his eyes as he dropped to his knees beside her, reaching for her arm with his hand. He had never meant to hurt her like this, to drive her to the point where she felt like she had no other choice but to hurt herself. He pulled her arm out, his eyes gazing at the crimson colored lines on her skin.

"Remus, I can explain." She spoke in a small voice, dropping her gaze to the floor. She didn't mean for him to see her like that. She could feel tears start to form in her eyes once more, and there was a lump in the back of her throat. What did he think of her now? He was probably going to tell someone else, and then they'd send her to St. Mungo's. She wasn't insane, there was nothing wrong with her. She met his gaze once more, her eyes silently begging him to believe that she wasn't crazy.

"It's all right. I… I can understand why." His voice broke, and he grasped his wand in his hand, touching it to her arm. "_Episkey._"

She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. He had expected better from her. The Order expected better from her. It wasn't right for her to break down completely, despite the pain of losing so much. They didn't need a weak metamorphmagus, they needed a strong one. And she had let them down.

"I'm sorry." She whispered softly, so softly that he had to lean closer to hear her. He dropped his wand to the floor and wrapped his arms around her, clutching her tightly, afraid that if he let go, she would slip away. What was she sorry for? He was sorry for making her life so miserable. He had thought that he was protecting her, but instead, he was hurting her more than he could have ever possibly imagined.

"Do _not_ be sorry, Dora. I'm the one who owes you an apology for hurting you so much that you had to do this." He whispered, pulling back, framing her face in his hands. She started to protest, but the look in his eyes silenced her. As he looked into her eyes, he tried to convey all the love and pain that he had kept hidden from her. She needed to know that he truly loved her, that he would do anything for her, even if it was to protect her from himself. Seeing her eyes light up, he knew that she understood his message. But he wouldn't run away anymore, he told himself, leaning in closer. He wouldn't run from love anymore, from her. He gently pressed his lips to hers, closing his eyes. He would protect her the best way he could; he would be by her side, always.

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><p>*<em>The dialogue in italics is from pgs.81-82, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, American Version, by J.K. Rowling.<em>

**So, how was it? It was a bit hard to write, and I know that it was a bit OOC, but I mean she did have a really tough time in HBP. Anyways, please leave a review and tell me what you think. Thanks!**

**BrokenWhispers11 (Hopefully, I'll update soon! Sorry for the wait!)**

**BTW- Anyone have a favorite line from one of the chapters? Just wondering ^-^**


	9. Refuge

**Hi again :) Sorry I've been away for so long, I just didn't know what to write. I started a few oneshots but I didn't know where I wanted to go with them. Actually, this one, I wrote a while back, but I wasn't sure what else I wanted to add. When I looked at it today, I realized that it was fine the way it was. This chapter is mainly about Remus; Tonks doesn't appear in here, but she probably will in my next update :)  
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**Also, I can't guarantee that I will update again soon. I have final exams in a week, so I have to study :(  
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**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, except for my writing. J.K. Rowling owns the characters, setting, etc.**  
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><p><strong>IX. Refuge<strong>

He stood in the tall grasses that surrounded the Burrow, his hand gripping his side as he struggled to regain his breath. He could feel the caked dirt on his face, and the dried stains of blood on his clothes did not do anything to enhance his appearance. He knew that it was understatement to say that he looked bad. He looked horrible. But he could not do much to change this because it was the usual appearance of a werewolf in Greyback's pack. This was only the first time that he would return to the Burrow in a state like this. It wouldn't be the last.

Slowly, he made his way towards the house. It was like a refuge, he mused, as he gazed up at the windows. He could see Fred, George, Hermione, Ginny, and Ron sitting together in Ron's room, animatedly talking with each other, not having to worry about the war during the summer. As he turned his attention back towards the Burrow, the smell of 's cooking drifted outside from an open window by the door, and he smiled at the thought of the good meal that would soon be set in front of him. The Burrow seemed like home, and it was definitely his refuge. Life in the pack was, to put it simply, a nightmare. Nearing the door, he forced a smile, raising his hand to knock on it.

The door swung open before he could knock, and a wand was pointed at him. He looked into Mr. Weasley's eyes, frowning in confusion.

"Standard Ministry safety procedure." Mr. Weasley smiled apologetically. "I need to verify your identity."

He nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. He had heard about the safety procedures that the ministry of magic was asking employees and citizens to use. Now that Voldemort was back, and the attacks had started, no place was safe. It made sense that Mr. Weasley would ask him to verify his identity. For all Mr. Weasley knew, a Death Eater could have used Polyjuice Potion to impersonate him and attack the Weasleys.

"I am Remus John Lupin, werewolf and former Hogwarts professor. I was bitten by Fenrir Greyback at a young age and was asked by Dumbledore to join Greyback's pack and persuade other werewolves to join Dumbledore instead of Voldemort." He spoke calmly, his voice faltering slightly as images of the night he was bitten made their way back into his mind. Before he could dwell on them, Mr. Weasley was lowering his wand and ushering him inside.

"Sorry Remus. Never know who could be knocking at your door these days." Mr. Weasley apologized.

"It's all right, Arthur. I had forgotten that the Ministry had set up new safety procedures." He responded, smiling wearily. Before he could say something more, Mrs. Weasley exited the kitchen and stormed over to her husband, furious.

"What were you _doing_? Questioning the poor man after he has come back from such a terrible mission! Couldn't you have let him in first? He doesn't need a wand to his throat the minute he returns!" She waved the spoon in her hand in the air menacingly before turning toward him.

"Remus, how good to see you again!" She greeted him before turning back to her husband again, glaring at him, waiting for an answer. Mr. Weasley smiled apologetically, trying to placate his wife.

"I was just following the Ministry's standard safety procedures, dear. Remus knows that I meant no harm by questioning him."

"But you know that it is him! If Remus were a Death Eater, he wouldn't have waited to answer you. He would have attacked anyways!" Mrs. Weasley cried in exasperation. She seemed to want to say more but Remus decided that it would be a good moment to intervene.

"It's quite alright, Molly. Arthur was right to question me. He was only looking out for his family's safety. I don't mind, really." She glared at her husband one more time before sparing Remus another glance.

"Remus!" She exclaimed, surprised and alarmed. He knew that he looked just as bad as he felt.

"Do you mind if I wash up and change? I know that I must not look like very pleasant company." He asked quietly, knowing Mrs. Weasley's answer before it left her lips. In a few minutes, he was on his way upstairs. The Weasleys had his things in Bill's unoccupied room, and he walked towards it, his thoughts now occupied by the war, Harry, and the Order. As he walked down a hallway, he could hear hushed whispers, and a door opened in front of him, five heads appearing in the doorway.

"Professor Lupin!" Hermione greeted him. He gave the kids a warm smile. They didn't realize how lucky they were to be able to sit safe and carefree in the Burrow, protected from the horrors happening in the wizarding world.

"Hello Hermione, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny." He greeted the others as well. "And Hermione, you no longer need to call me Professor. I haven't been teaching for over two years now."

"All…all right then." She replied uncertainly, but returned his smile anyways before catching sight of his appearance. She frowned and started to say something when Fred interrupted.

"What have you been up to then, Lupin?" He also seemed concerned about his appearance because he then added "You look like you've been to the Whomping Willow and back."

Remus laughed, but it was a hollow and empty sound. "I can't say that it is much better than that. I've been on an Order mission, living among other werewolves. Because I have resisted their ways for so long and have tried to lead a 'normal' life, Greyback and his followers have spent their time trying to make my life miserable."

"Wait, who's Grey-"Ron started to ask before he was elbowed by Ginny. She rolled her eyes at him as he rubbed his arm and glared at her, before smiling gently at Lupin.

"Forgive these two insensitive gits." She glanced at Fred and Ron with a disapproving look on her face. "You must be tired, and we're probably disturbing you. We'll talk to you later Professor. Goodnight!"

"Goodnight." He replied, before continuing on his way. He sighed running a hand through his hair. Each step the he took caused an ache in his bones, and he felt older than ever before. As he entered Bill's room to get a fresh pair of clothes, he glanced at his reflection in the hallway mirror.

He could barely recognize himself.

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><p>"Remus, you really should stop by for dinner more often. You're getting thinner and thinner each time I see you!" Mrs. Weasley admonished him, serving him a bowl of hot soup. He smiled gratefully at her before taking the spoon in his hand.<p>

"I would love to Molly, but I cannot leave the pack as often as I'd like." He spoke quietly, lifting a spoon of soup to his mouth. He sighed contentedly as it burned down the back of his throat, warming him. He hadn't had anything to eat that

"What did they do to you, Remus?" Mr. Weasley asked, taking a seat across from him, concern etched onto his face. Remus glanced down at the table, his insides turning cold. He had managed to avoid saying too much about his experience to the children, but he knew that Molly and Arthur would not be put off with a few simple words.

"It was Greyback who bit me." He started his eyes slightly unfocused as he remembered that moment once more. "I was so young. He expected my parents to abandon me. He wanted me to join him, to be a part of his pack and grow up hating everyone else. I can still remember his words to me that night. He told me that I was doomed to suffer, that I would end up like him. When I didn't, it enraged him. I have tried for so many years to be the opposite of him, to be normal."

The Weasleys glanced at him sadly, knowing how painful it must have been for him to relive his memories. He smiled bitterly, continuing.

"Greyback hates me more than ever now. He knows that I taught at Hogwarts and why I left. So do the others under his control. It's because I've tried and failed to be normal that they…that they take pleasure in my pain."

"You _are_ normal!" Mrs. Weasley stated firmly, refusing to allow him to degrade himself further. "And I am going to talk to Albus and have him put a stop to this. You'll die if you keep on staying with them!"

"No!" He glanced up at her, his voice sharp. "No."

"But Remus−"

"No, Molly. Please." He whispered, closing his eyes. "I have to do this. Dumbledore has done so much for me. I need to return the favor. I need to at least try to convince the werewolves to join our side."

"But you could be killed─" She protested, looking at him in disbelief.

"Then it will be worth it." He returned his attention back to his food. "I have to try, Molly."

"We will respect your decision, Remus." Mr. Weasley spoke quietly before his wife could protest once more. "But we do not agree with it. We care about you, and it's hard to see you like this."

Remus nodded, a strained smile making its way onto his face. He was glad to have people like the Weasleys to support him. But they didn't understand; they couldn't see past his image as an ex-professor and quiet, reserved Order member. They couldn't see the danger, the monster that rested inside of him. Still, he was grateful to have a family that accepted him without hesitation, that _cared_ about him because they wanted to, not because they had to.

"Thank you." He spoke sincerely. "We all have to make sacrifices in a war, Arthur. You and Molly, you've sacrificed your home to the Order and your safety as well. For me, it is this, living amongst friends and loved ones, a normal life. I am just making mine."

Mr. Weasley smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. He nodded, staying silent for a moment before switching the topic to a more pleasant one. Mrs. Weasley seemed to regain her thoughts and eagerly conversed with Remus and her husband, heaping piles of food on Remus' plate. Everything seemed normal− all the tension in the air had disappeared. He slept soundly that night for the first time in a month. When Remus left the next day, he left knowing that he would always have a home and refuge at the Burrow.

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><p><strong>How was it? I don't think it was one of my best, but I think its okay. Please leave a review and let me know!<strong>

**Hopefully, it won't take me two months to write another oneshot :D  
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**Thanks!  
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**BrokenWhispers11  
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	10. Coming Home

**Hello! I just wanted to say that this chapter is dedicated to RemusNTonks, who requested this. Hope you enjoy!  
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****-*-*-*- **^(o o)^ -*-*-*-  
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****Disclaimer: **I own nothing, except for my writing. J.K. Rowling owns the characters, setting, etc.******

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><p><strong>X. Coming Home<strong>

**"Sometimes we forget who we really are.**

**Sometimes we can't move away too far.**

**Sometimes it's good to remember where we came from.**

**I'm coming home again."**

**Song: Coming Home Again by Rachael Leahcar**

He raised his hand to the door, taking a deep breath.

He wasn't surprised to find himself back here. He would always come back to her, no matter how far he wandered. He could try to run, but in the end, he would be running back to her. It was because he needed her. Because he loved her. And as much as he had tried to deny it, she needed him too. She _loved _him, and he would always find his way back to her love.

However, he hesitated now, despite knowing that this was the right thing to do. He had left her a few days ago, without even so much of an explanation. His words echoed in his mind now._ "It won't work, Dora. I should have realized that from the start. I realize what I have done to you now, and I can't let anything else happen to you. I won't ruin your life any longer. I love you. Goodbye, Dora."_ And he had left, without giving her time to reply. He had turned on the spot and apparated, only catching a glimpse of her pained expression before disappearing. What if she didn't want him now, after all the pain that he had put her through? It hadn't been the first time that he had hurt her by pushing her away. But he had to try to make up for his actions. If she somehow accepted him back, he knew that it would be the last time he would ever push her away again.

Taking another deep breath, he pushed away his doubts and quickly knocked on the door before he could change his mind again. There was no turning back now, he knew, the sound of glass breaking meeting his ears. He winced, hoping that she hadn't hurt herself. He heard a string of muttered curses and the sound of someone stumbling before the door was wrenched open, a wand pointed at his heart.

"Remus!"

Before he could blink, she launched herself at him, her arms wrapping around him tightly, holding him close. He let out the breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding, relaxing, and wrapping his arms around her. He hadn't realized just how much he missed her until now. He noted, with sadness, that her hair was a mousy brown color, like it had been during the year he had pushed her away. Reluctantly, he tried to pull back, feeling the sudden need to apologize to her. However, she only held on to him even more tightly, unwilling to let him go now that she had him back. He decided that he would apologize anyways.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, not knowing where to start. It sounded wrong, though. No matter how much he meant it, those two words couldn't make up for the pain that he caused her. They couldn't excuse his actions. Suddenly, he felt foolish. He had abandoned her and his unborn child, and all that he could say was sorry? He sighed, wishing that he had planned out what he was going to say beforehand instead of coming here straight from Grimmauld Place.

He deeply regretted pulling his wand out on Harry earlier. He hadn't meant to hurt his best friend's son, but he had just been so angry. Angry because of what Harry had said. The truth was, everything that Harry told him was true. He did abandon his child and his wife, and he truly was a coward. He knew, even as he rushed to the door, ignoring Hermione's pleas for him to come back, that he had to return to Dora.

"Why?" She asked him quietly, startling him from his thoughts. Her voice was laced with pain, and he knew that she wasn't asking him why he was sorry. She was asking why he left her. Why he had told her that their marriage would never work. Why he had let himself give in to his insecurities once again. Truthfully, his reasons sounded lame to his ears now. Hadn't she entered their marriage fully aware of the consequences that came with being in love with a werewolf? Hadn't she known that he would never be able to give her what she wanted because he was unemployed and poor? Yet she still wanted to be with him, wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. He really only had one reason for leaving her.

"I was scared." He admitted softly as she pulled back slightly to meet his eyes. "I still am, Dora. I don't know _how_ to be a father. All I've ever known is a life full of prejudice from others, and I never once thought that I'd have someone as wonderful as you by my side. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined falling in love, getting married, and having children. And after you told me, I just…I panicked."

"I understand." She told him, pressing on even when he tried to interrupt. "No, Remus, I do understand. How do you think I feel about this? Do you think that it's any easier for me? I don't know how to do this either. I don't know how to be a mother. How am I supposed to take care of a child when I can hardly take care of myself when you're not around? Remember last year? I'm not ready either, but we need to make it through this, _together_."

"I…you're right…" he sighed, knowing that he really couldn't counter her argument. How could she not understand his fears? She knew him better than anyone else. She knew about his insecurities, and could read him like an open book. But that still didn't make what he did right. "I'm sorry."

"I know." She smiled sadly up at him, dropping her hand from his shoulder to grasp his hand. "And I forgive you."

He started to protest, but she silenced him with a short kiss. "You're back now, and that's all that matters. I love you."

He smiled. "I love you more."

"Well, I love you the most." She grinned at him before tugging him towards the door. "Now, enough of all this sentimental nonsense. I'll make you something to eat, and you can tell me about how Harry, Hermione, and Ron are doing."

He stopped in his tracks, shocked.

"You didn't need to say anything, love." She laughed. "Only Harry could have knocked sense into you and make you come back to me."

He laughed along with her and followed her inside, closing the door behind him. He vaguely recalled that muggle saying, _home is where the heart is_*. Sitting down at the kitchen table, watching his wife, he knew that he was finally home.

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><p><strong>*Just wanted to make it clear that I don't own this saying. It's a common saying, but it's not mine :D<strong>

**I know that I did a chapter similar to this one, but I guess that I can always do different versions. Honestly, I don't like imagining Tonks extremely angry at Remus, so if I do another chapter like this for whatever reason, I probably won't make Tonks angry at him. :)**

**So, how was it? Sorry for the complete sappiness, it's sort of become a habit now :) **

**Reviews are welcomed :D  
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**BrokenWhispers11  
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	11. Enough

**Hi! I am REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY for not updating in months. I lost my inspiration to write, and school has kept me busy, but I really feel bad about taking so long to update. I've had this half-finished for a while, and today, I finally was able to finish it. I hope that you like it!  
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****Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, so I don't own its characters, settings, etc.  
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><p><strong>XI. Enough<strong>

**Foolish one with the smile  
>You don't have to be brave<br>I'll gladly climb your walls  
>If you'll meet me halfway<br>Every time we fall down  
>But we're falling from grace<br>Here's my hand and my heart  
>It's yours to take<strong>

**Song: Be Still by Kelly Clarkson**

The air seemed thick with sorrow, the weight of it bearing down on the shoulders of those who were gathered around a single bed. Aside from the occasional sniffle or sob, all was quiet in the hospital wing of Hogwarts. The silence was uncomfortable, yet no one dared to break it for fear of losing what little control they had left. No one person there had been unaffected by the events of that night. Molly Weasley and Fleur Delacour had argued with each other and come to an understanding. Bill Weasley lay immobile, torn up by a savage werewolf. The Weasley family as a whole was broken and filled with sorrow. Nymphadora Tonks had broken down as well, as had Remus Lupin. Even Madam Pomfrey had retreated to her room for a while to grieve over the events of that night. Everyone had lost their grip on their emotions that night.

Tonks looked at the family huddled together around the bed, taking comfort from each other. She felt an almost childish longing to be a part of that, to be comforted by those around her. But she would not intrude on the family's mourning. The only other person in the room she could turn to was sitting far away, his sad, pain-filled eyes fixed on the floor. She couldn't go to him, not after what she had done minutes ago. Sighing softly, she gazed at her hands, remembering how they had gripped Remus' robes as she cried out to him in desperation. She could feel the dried tear stains on her face, and could only imagine how she looked at the moment. Her hair was still a mousy brown color, and she looked pale. Her robes literally hung off her frame, and she decided that she didn't look pleasant at all. She felt guilty for breaking down in front of him, in front of everyone. She had been immature and selfish, thinking about herself when Dumbledore had just died and Bill was in an unstable condition. She felt a small sob escape her lips and she turned her head away, feeling Remus' gaze settle on her. It just didn't seem fair that Bill and Fleur could be together regardless of the werewolf characteristics that he would have, but she and Remus couldn't. Couldn't he see that she didn't care either? She closed her eyes tightly, struggling to hold the tears at bay. He was not too old, too poor, or too dangerous. Why couldn't he see that?

The sound of light footsteps coming toward her stopped her train of thoughts and she tensed, waiting for him to walk up to her and say something. But instead, he lightly brushed his hand against hers, giving it a light squeeze. She opened her eyes to see him walk towards the door, nodding to the Weasleys, before leaving. She could feel the gazes of everyone else in the room rest on her and she shifted uncomfortably, deciding that it would be best to leave as well. Standing up on shaky legs, she made her way to the door, turning back and giving the others a sad smile. She opened the door and left without looking back.

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><p>Remus Lupin wandered the corridors of Hogwarts a few days later, reminiscing about the times when he and his friends were in Hogwarts. The times when they didn't have to worry about anything except getting high marks and, in his case, the full moon. He sighed, stopping by a window. Looking outside, he could see the Astronomy Tower nearby, the early morning sun illuminating it. Fitting, he thought sadly, knowing that in a few hours, he would be sitting on the lawn of Hogwarts for the funeral of Dumbledore, the man who had always valued love and light above everything else. The tower seemed to mock him, reminding him of yet another person that he had lost. Reminding him that he was doomed to suffer. He was about to turn away when he caught sight of a figure standing on the tower, looking out. He didn't know how he knew, but he was sure that it was her.<p>

He pulled away from the window and walked towards the Tower, wondering what his friends would say if they could see him now. James and Lily would be happy to see that he was in love, though they would be angry at him for pushing away Tonks. Sirius would probably kill him for hurting his cousin, bring him back to life for trying to protect her, and kill him again because she was his cousin. He chuckled, a small smile forming on his face.

Ascending the stairs, he turned his head away from the spots of blood on the banister. They were Bill Weasley's, he decided, because Greyback had not done a clean job of ripping the young man apart. The lingering smell of the blood and the battle sickened him, and he hurried onwards, leaving them behind. However, thoughts still filled his head. What if it had been Tonks who had been attacked? What if Greyback had attacked her, knowing what she meant to him, for revenge? What if _he_ attacked her, but on the full moon? He sighed, wishing that Tonks could realize that those were exactly the reasons why he couldn't be with her. When he said that he was too dangerous, he didn't just mean that he could hurt her. Greyback could hurt her, or any of the other werewolves in Greyback's pack. It just wasn't safe for her to be with him.

Finally reaching the top, he made his way over to her. She was standing by the railing, looking out at the grounds, her brown hair falling around her face. She looked nothing like the Tonks he remembered, the young carefree woman with pink hair and a vibrant personality. Instead, she seemed to look like him. Exhausted, broken, and empty. He knew that it was his fault that she was this way, no matter how much he wanted to pretend that it was just the war. He wanted to see her smile again, be happy again, but he didn't know how he could do it without giving into his feelings for her. Sighing softly, he reached a hand out to her.

She whirled around at his touch on her shoulder, her wand gripped tightly in her hand. She let out a sigh of relief as she recognized him. Lowering her wand, she closed her eyes, letting him pull her into his warm embrace. He could feel her body shake with suppressed sobs, and all control that he had over his own emotions disappeared. His barriers broke and tears started to fall from his eyes, his breath coming in short gasps. He tightened his hold on her, drawing comfort from her presence in his arms. He had almost lost her that night, in addition to Dumbledore. If he had lost her…

"Remus." She whispered, her voice strained. She pulled back from him and looked him in the eyes, raising a hand to brush away his tears. "You can't do this alone forever."

He swallowed, struggling to keep his voice from shaking. "I can try."

Her hand fell away from his face, pulling his own hand into hers. Their fingers intertwined, and he felt like everything was going to be okay. The events that had taken place on this tower seemed to have taken place so long ago.

"You feel that too, don't you?" She asked quietly. He nodded, unsure what else he could say. "It's what I've felt for so long Remus. Every time I look at you, every time you so much as brush my hand, I can't help but feel more alive than I've ever felt before. You are everything that I could ever want. Yet you won't let me inside, you won't let me be what you need me to be. I can help you, if you would only let me."

He cast his eyes to the ground, unsure of how to respond. He had to say no to her, no matter how much he wanted her to be his forever. He meant what he had said in the hospital wing. He was too old, too poor, and too dangerous. He repeated the words over and over to himself silently, trying to justify his actions. "I cannot risk hurting you. You know what I am. You saw how dangerous a werewolf can be, even when not transformed. I _will not_ put you in danger."

"I saw how dangerous Greyback can be when he's not transformed. You could never be dangerous in that way even if you tried, Remus. I _know_ you. You are nothing like him." She tried to reassure him, tried to break down the barriers he had built up once again. She wished that he could just realize that he could never hurt her. It wasn't in his nature to hurt people, much less the people that he cared about.

"You don't know." He whispered, lifting his eyes to her face.

"I _do_ know."

He sighed, his gaze flicking to the spot where Dumbledore had fallen from the tower. Hadn't Dumbledore allowed him to come to Hogwarts so that he could live a normal life? So that he wouldn't be isolated from the rest of the world? And having constantly tried to push away the person who meant the most to him, wasn't he going against everything he had worked so hard for? McGonagall was right, Dumbledore would have been happy for them. It wasn't fair to keep leading Tonks on this chase. If he couldn't give in because of his insecurities, then he had to give in to try to honor Dumbledore's memory. But most of all, he had to give in to honor _her_. She deserved more than what he was giving her right now; she deserved the world, and he wished he could give it to her.

Returning his gaze to her, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him.

"I won't ever be enough for you, but I promise I'll try."

She looked up at him, startled by his sudden change of mind, but a smile quickly began to make its way on to her face.

"You will always be enough."

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><p><strong>I hope that you liked it! I'll try not to take as long to update, but I really can't say when I will finish another chapter.<strong>

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think! :)  
><strong>

**BrokenWhispers11 :)  
><strong>


	12. Believe Again

**Hi! Okay, this is going to be really different from my usual oneshots. I've been wanting to try this for a while, because I've had a little trouble with writing my usual oneshots. I will get back to that; I'm just trying something new for now. I can't say whether or not the next chapter will be similar to this one or one of the usual oneshots. **

**Btw, this is from Remus's POV :)  
><strong>

******Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, so I don't own its characters, settings, etc.******

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><p><strong>XII. Believe Again<strong>

Don't leave me

Waiting here, looking on as you

With your brown eyes bright and lips curved

Into a smile, walk off into the sunset

Your robes billowing out behind you

Gliding over the fresh cut grass

***  
>I can still feel your presence<p>

As if you are standing next to me again

Whispering words into my ear,

Your voice repeating, ever so softly,

"I love you"

And, suddenly, it's enough for me to believe in.

And for a change, I'm the one who's falling.

***  
>You make me wonder<p>

How I've gone through life, wasting

All these years without really understanding what it is like.

To breathe. To feel.

To love so deeply

As I have never loved before

***  
>You make me feel of immeasurable worth.<p>

Alive, in the sense that love is no longer a distant vision.

But it's waiting at my doorstep.

It only took a step to reach it.

It only took you.

Nymphadora Tonks,

I love you.

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><p><strong>Hi! Okay...I'm a bit nervous, because I'm not sure whether it was good or not. I've written a couple of decent poems before, and while this is nowhere near as good as those, this was my best effort (so far) in writing a RLNT poem. Let me know what you think, k? :) <strong>

**I also want to acknowledge Inuyasha-HarryPotterfan, who has been very supportive of my writing. Despite my long breaks, they have been patient with me, and have left wonderful reviews. Thank you Inuyasha-HPfan! :)  
><strong>

**And in case I don't update again before the Christmas holiday, I wish you all Happy Holidays! :)**

**BrokenWhispers11  
><strong>


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